I've never been more angry at anyone. Ever. I don't like being angry. I don't think I get angry easily. But I can't help it. I am. He stopped loving me and started loving someone else in a very short span of time. When he stopped loving me, he didn't tell me for two months, even though I directly asked him what was wrong. He couldn't get up the nerve to break up with me. In the middle of those two months, he temporarily forgot, I guess, that he wanted to break up with me, which gave me false hope that things could be okay again. He asked someone else out before he officially broke up with me. He let me find out about this through his ex-girlfriend. He broke up with me through an email, and only because he knew that I'd found out. When I called him and specifically asked him whether he had a girlfriend, he lied to me and said no. He avoided me for two weeks. He never told me about her. I'd be surprised if he told her about me. But then he let her come into our lunch and... touch him. And then he brought her to the talent show, which the two of us played in together. Everyone knew before I did. Ivy knew. My own mother knew. Apparantly, Molly knew because she knows the girl, and she and my mother conversed about this before either one of them told me. This is the dictionary definition of a fucked-up break-up. Yet he wants us to be on good terms.
I'm sorry dude. I'd like to be on good terms. My life would be a lot easier if we were. But sometimes the human mind can only take so much emotional abuse before it reacts the way that it's supposed to. You hurt me more badly than I ever thought I could be hurt.
Seriously - some part of me always thought that I would be immune to things like this. I thought, "I'm a good kid and a smart kid. I hang out with people who are the same way. We don't date new people every two weeks. We don't hold grudges. We don't make out with people when we don't have feelings for them. We are always mature about breaking up. I don't have to worry about clichÈ relationship problems. Those are for the commoners." But now I realize that I was an arrogant fool to think this. All human beings have to deal with things like this.
I bet he never even loved me. I bet he lied. I bet I was just Ivy's replacement, and now that he's found a better replacement, he no longer has any use for me. Well I swear to God, I will never fantasize about him again. Not even a little. Not even remembering. As far as I'm concerned, I've never set foot in the park.
He's not a good musician either. If it comes to someone getting kicked out of the band, I know it won't be me. And I almost think it would serve him right.
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