I've been trying to decide whether to tell you about Tom. I mean, he is pretty interesting as a character, and he is a pretty good friend, but he isn't that involved in my daily activities anymore. His importance in my life is situated mostly in the past. Why waste time talking about feelings I used to have but donít anymore? But then I figured, what the hell? I've mentioned him a few times, and I like writing descriptions of people.
Tom was technically my first boyfriend, before Mark. I didn't mention his existance in that entry because it would have been misleading. It was middle school. We were friends with a barely aknowledged mutual crush. We never went on dates, and with the exception of slowdancing at school dances, we never touched each other. However, it is important to note that it is Tom that I consider to be my first love. It was a very innocent, jeuvenile kind of love, but I think that's what it was. Tom UNDERSTOOD me, and I understood him. Our "going out" kind of started as an assumption on the part of the rest of the school. Even though I didn't "ask him out" until May of seventh grade, it was kind of understood that we were an item from the end of sixth grade to the beginning of 8th. It just seemed obvious that we belonged together. This is why I can truthfully say that the way I felt for Adam was the only thing that has ever not had to make sense - my feelings for Tom seemed perfectly logical to me. We went together, and I could list reasons for it.
Anyway, in 8th grade, I broke up with him via a note in his locker. It was because we were starting to outgrow going out without talking about it or acting like it, but we were incapable of actually doing that. It was also helped along by the fact that that summer was the first time I met Mark. He had already fallen in love with me, and I thought I might have felt something for him too, which confused the hell out of me. I don't think I really thought of the implications of the breakup though. I didn't really stop to think about how the whole "going together" thing was going to end. I didn't realize I still liked him, I think because at that point, I didn't remember what it felt like NOT to like him.
The most important part of this, I guess, is that it took me about a year to get over him. a YEAR. When Adam broke up with me, I was petrified that it would be like that again, only worse. But now I realize it wonít be. I never felt like Adam and I belonged together.
Tom is a fascinating person when you start anylizing him. He has an outward appearance of being extremely cynical, and even somewhat of a jerk. He claims to be a social nihilist. He is an atheist, and takes it more seriously than many devout Christians do. He claims that his only goals in life are to ìget high, get rich, and get laidî (He didnít say this in middle school.) His physical appearance gives just about the same impression. He is somewhat of a goth. He has black, curly hair down to below his shoulders, a mustache, and a goatee. He has had these since the beginning of freshman year. But when you really know him, you realize that all of these things are just a front. Somewhere inside, he is quite simply a really nice guy. If you are having a problem, he will pick it up, ask you about it, and then either listen intently or accept the fact that you donít want to talk about it. When you talk to him about something, you can tell that he honestly CARES, even though he claims not to care about anything. It makes you feel better just to talk to him. He does all kinds of favors for people and then tries to deny it later. Another thing thatís interesting is the fact that he cannot survive without a girlfriend. Heís had seven or eight in total, and I donít think heís gone more than a month without one since the break between me and Molly, which was longer. Itís not just to "get laid" either. He pretty much worships Katherine, his current girlfriend. (Katherine is a senior. Itís not the first time heís dated someone two years older than him. He went to Junior Prom as a freshman.)
Anyway, like I said, Tom and I are friends now, and most of the time I forget that our "relationship" even happenned. That's one thing that made me feel better about Adam. It doesn't always have to be awkward. Sometimes you really CAN just go back to being friends. I don't know if that's going to work this time, but at least I know it's POSSIBLE.
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