Second entry in a series.
I landed at the tiny airport in the town where I went to high school - small town in the Southeast. It was late morning on Saturday, and my reunion was that evening, so I decided not to reach out to Lois Lane, my old college roommate until after Saturday night’s festivities because I didn’t want to disrupt the flow of what I’d had planned, and since Lois and I hadn’t been in touch for years and she probably had so much going on with the funeral and whatnot, I figured one more day wouldn’t matter. Plus, I was staying until Monday and thought either Sunday or even Monday when everything settled down a bit would be better.
Plus, I was filled with dread about the thought of speaking with my old, bipolar roommate during such a horrible event. I know that sounds awful, but I didn’t know what to expect and was nervous about it.
The reunion happened. It was an absolute fantastic time. I loved on some old high school buddies, bar hopped and made out with the captain of the football team, yada yada (not really, but you know…). It was GREAT.
Sunday morning rolled around and I looked at Facebook when I woke up to make sure no one had posted an incriminating photo of the night before or something and what did I see?
A Facebook friend request from Lois Lane!
There it was. After all of those years! I thought about it for about two minutes, accepted the friend request and immediately wrote this in a message:
”Hi Lois, thank you so much for the friend request. Did you talk to [mutual friend]? She gave me a number for you but she wasn’t sure if it was current. She told me about [Little Sister] and my heart just shattered. I am beyond so, so sorry about what happened. I can’t even imagine how you must be feeling. I’m in [small town] for my 30th reunion. Are you in [her hometown, neighboring town]?”
This opened up a flood gate of overwhelming messages that went back and forth between us…mostly things like I love you and miss you and I’m so sorry, etc.
She was on her way back to the airport and was running late so we wouldn’t be able to see each other during my visit, but she mentioned something about how us being back in communication was a silver lining to all of this and that she just KNEW there was a reason and that this is an amazing thing to happen and that she would be in touch.
A few days later, she sent me some more messages, saying she wasn’t ready to talk about anything yet, but that she did want to talk, eventually. Just give her some time.
I told her to take all the time she needed. I’m here.
And then this morning, I woke to this. I’m going to post it all here because I saw that she’d deleted some of our communication earlier on FB and I want to save it in case I need to come back to it later. It was 2 AM my time:
”Hey there. It is nearly 3 am my time, and I am finally defrosting from everything that happened to me. I am having what I call a major brain/emotional download and am ready to talk with you.
So, as part of my “defrosting” I will be dumping a lot of things on you. You can take them, or leave them. All I know is there was a deeper meaning to our reconnection.
I was really, really, really hurt by how things went down with us as roommates and sorority sisters. I have never been as close to someone as I was with you. It has had an effect on me for many many years. I am not assigning blame at all. It was college, after all.
I had, in a superficial way, shared with [mutual friend] my hurt. And she is so awesome. I had told her years ago how hurt I was. So when [little sister] died, she reached out to you. That shows how awesome she is.
Then, somehow, my heart melted. And when you responded to my FB friend request, I just sobbed. You have no idea what I have been through. Then, in your response, I realized I had no idea what you have been through. I sense a softening, an awakening. And then, maybe, this is what longterm friends are for.
Anyhow…my sister’s death is very, very complicated. I am glad she is dead. You have no idea what she put our family through. We are finally free of her hostage situation for the past 20 years.
She adored you. I felt in some way like you were the little sister she would have been to me. You were SO MUCH ALIKE.
But in a good way!! Sorry, didn’t mean that to come off bad, lol!
I mean, the good things about you reminded me of her.”
And then there were a couple of lines about the music she was listening to…and then,
”I will stop there for now. Good night. I miss you.”
I read that first thing this morning. I am flabbergasted. I haven’t responded yet because I don’t even know what to say to that. That was a LOT of defrosting, wouldn’t you say?
And I know I need to respond, but I’m thinking about the right way to respond. In a way, her middle-of-the-night note feels very…I don’t know the word, manic? And I’m wondering if I say that only because I know of her condition?
I want to word my response back to her in a thoughtful, loving way, but this is hard. Especially with the clearly complicated death of her sister!! I’ve looked at what I can see from her sister’s FB page. Her little sister was a gorgeous, but clearly troubled young woman. You can tell just by the things she wrote on her wall that she had trouble with friends and romantic relationships and perhaps some drug or alcohol issues.
Ha, no wonder I reminded Lois Lane of her little sister! That’s a joke, you know.
Anyway. I’m spending a lot of today contemplating how to respond to this email that has packed SO MUCH into it. It has been a lot to absorb and I don’t know how much emotional baggage getting back into a relationship with Lois Lane is going to weigh me down. I guess it doesn’t have to, but I just want to do the right thing.
I suppose I could dip my toe back in and easily pull it back out if I need to.
But it could also be the rekindling of a relationship that might go in a better direction than it did before, knowing now what I didn’t know then.
Lots to think about today.
xo
GS
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