I went to the sexually ambiguous taco bell for lunch. I might not have mentioned it, but I’m not on a diet, I am paying attention to my appetite, but not that which I feed it. I know, you want to know what a sexually ambiguous taco bell is and if perhaps they look different than regular taco bells. I don’t think they became sexually ambiguous on purpose. Oh, wait, back up (that’s what he said) I don’t mean they don’t care who they fuck, maybe they don’t I don’t know have never had that conversation with any of them though I’ve talked quite a bit to each of them about non taco related items, I mean it’s really hard to get a good read on which gender most of them might belong to.
If this Taco Bell were in Portland it’d be like that on Purpose and I wouldn’t mention it, because in Portland people and businesses and cats do shit just to be talked about (which is a reasonable strategy for a business in a running dog lackey sort of way). In Portland I’d just act like Taco Know No Gender. I guess I do here too, but that’s me. If it bugged me I wouldn’t go and if it excited me I would have mentioned it sooner.
This taco bell is not in my sleepy little hamlet, which would make more sense as this sleepy little hamlet has a great big University attached to it, a university which dwarfs the town both geographically and population wise by an easy 6 to 1 ratio. No the sexually ambiguous taco bell is one napping township and a drowsy hamlet away, a town that in my youth was mostly cows and corn and a neighborhood or two of middle class folks, lawyers, doctors and mid management at the Oldsmobile plant in Lansing. They didn’t even have a taco bell then.
My sleepy hamlet did and does. The old taco bell is abandoned, at least five years now, a building shaped just like a taco bell with windows boarded up and parking spaces for rent. The new taco bell (at least five years old) is in the basement of the building next door. If you come by car you have to pay to park. When I was in third grade I called up this girl I liked, disguised my voice, and invited her to a meal at taco bell. She asked who was talking to her, I said she had to come to the taco bell to find. I hid in the bushes at the school between her house and the taco bell where I had a good 270 degree view. She walked within a block of the taco bell, stood there, turned around and went home.
If only more little girls had done that my life might have turned out very different. Huh. Not as funny as I thought it’d be. Maybe if I had asked more little girls, mid-sized economy young ladies, grown ass women, to meet me anonymously at the taco bell …
Huh. My server today was Alex. He looked a lot like a bull dyke, but he either had an Adams apple or a thyroid problem … See, it’s not the cross dressing trans gender taco bell, just ambiguous.
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