This entry contains some graphic details and medical stuff. Look away now if you don’t like blood.
So… my boobs are leaking. Well.. the right side has leaked a little since I stopped breast feeding Storey in 2010. But residual leakage is normal for up to a few years. In 2012 I had an abortion, and I figured the leaking was just residual lactation because I’d “had” a baby, according to my body.
Well.. it never really went away. And because I tend to get drunk and do weird stuff to myself like cut my toenails too short and shave the back of my head… I’ll occasionally give the boob a squeeze to see if it’s still leaking. Suddenly the stuff is sticky and now… it’s on both sides.
I looked up the Endless Symptoms Caused by Lupus, and it wasn’t on there. So I posted in the forum of Lupus people where we all like to compare symptoms. There’s this unwritten rule that if at least one other person has your symptom, you can say it was caused by Lupus.
No one else had it.
I was supposed to see a Doctor about it on Friday, but I was scared and told myself I actually wanted to nap all day instead. I went today. The lady Doctor said ‘We’re going to have to do some tests, and you aren’t going to like them.’ There’s no palpable lumps. But I’m having two pages of blood and urine tests, a mammogram and ultrasound, and a brain CT with contrast (to rule out brain tumor, which is maybe better than a boob tumor?)
I was completely calm until we got some leaks happening and she listed that the discharge is bloody. I was calm leaving. I was calm in the car. I was calm asking Ian to please call me. But when I reported to him on everything that was happening… that’s when I cried.
There is roughly an equal chance I have cancer versus a benign cyst. Considering my family history, and Lupus influencing my luck, I’m pretty high risk for carcinomas. So you know… I wouldn’t be surprised.
So basically my life goals haven’t changed from “Don’t Die Yet”.
-SP
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