After he got out of the hole, our relationship went into the shitter. What a whirlwind of bullshit fights that was Christmas week. I played my part in being bitchy and starting stupid arguments too so he's not the only one to blame.
On Christmas night he told me on the phone that there was no reason for him to stay in Arizona once he gets out of jail. Made me cry all night long. Then the next day when I am balling my eyes out about it on the phone to him he goes "No I said you're the only reason". No he didn't say that but now he is.
Last Saturday he said he was glad I had his sereqoul medication because he wants to take it when he can't fall asleep when he gets out of jail. It's an antipsychotic that isn't supposed to be used whenever someone feels like it and he had told me in the past that it didn't help him at all and made him worse. Also he's not even on the medication anymore. I told him no he can't do that and I was going to get rid of it, I said this all in a normal tone that wasn't angry or anything. He proceeded to freak the fuck out on me and yell at me about how I'm controlling and I shouldn't touch any of his shit, then he hung up on me. I just don't want him to go crazy again and go into a psychosis but according to him even if his life is going down the drain I should stick by his decisions. Right.
So we eventually made up for the sake of not arguing anymore. And it's just been weird ever since. Nothing is mushy lovey dovey anymore. I tried being mushy last night and told him I wanted to be with him forever and he responded by saying "I want to be with you for the forseeable future".
Yep. I feel like a douche because I'm one of those idiots that live in this fantasy land where I believe someone is going to love me and want to be with me and can't seem to be realistic.
The best part of all this is that he might get out on his probation next week after his court hearing, and guess where he's supposedly supposed to stay? My house. I am so not excited anymore because he just sees me as someone to use as a place to stay because he has nowhere to go when he gets out and according to my mom is "hedging his bets until something better comes along".
Not sure what to do. Already promised him he could stay at my house. Dying to get laid. Not dying to be used and have my heart broken for the millionth time.
:/
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