Had an early morning date this morning (8 AM). Was cool that we could meet for coffee and just see where it goes. So here’s where it went.
Name: SAM, short for South African Man
Age: 51.
Status: Divorced. Several years. A few serious relationships since getting divorced…and before. He left his wife for another woman and then that didn’t work out. He’s been on dating sites for a while now. He’s hooked up on these sites, but says he’s looking for love and a relationship now.
Job: Hm. In between jobs? Read on…
Lives: In a decent part of town - probably a 15-minute drive from downtown, where I live
Length of Date: 4.5 hours
He Looked: Really nice, but shorter than his pictures make him out to be. I had a feeling that would be the case. No matter, he was handsome. Dressed down, in a t-shirt and jeans. He was also sweating because it was so freaking humid out this morning and he’d worked out earlier. Super nice smile - REALLY friendly, happy guy.
I Looked: Not bad for early Saturday morning, if I do say so myself. I’d already been up, walked the dog and showered by 7:30, so I left to meet him at around 7:40. I was wearing my flowy handkerchief skirt, a tank top, a denim jacket over it because it was chilly and kind of drizzly, and my boots because it was still kinda raining. My hair looked like ass because I’d waked in the mist, but oh well. He didn’t seem to mind, and I guess it was OK for it to look a little wild.
We Did: Met for coffee but ended up staying and talking for hours. I had two mimosas over the course of nearly five hours, and we split breakfast. It consisted of an omelet, a fruit plate and this potato thingy that was wrapped in bacon, which SAM asked me to remove from his plate (the bacon-potato thing) because he’s Jewish.
Convo: So. I love a sexy accent, oh yes I do. And SAM is South African. Do you know this accent? It’s almost Australian-sounding, but it’s more distinct and a little softer. He’s fucking hilarious, too - very dry, witty sense of humor. Exactly my type of humor. He was also incredibly, incredibly charming. I can see how this guy can charm the pants off someone. We talked and talked and laughed HARD! I was having an absolute amazing time, telling stories, listening to his. …and then he got super serious. He told me that he’s working on getting back on his feet career-wise and that if we continue to see each other I will find out things about him (via google, etc.) that are not so good. In fact, over the last few years he’s been involved in some serious white collar crime that has almost put him in jail. He’s working on clearing all of that up and he hopes that I take into consideration that he’s admitting he’s done wrong and he’s working on righting all of that. He told me to please ask him if I have any questions as I do my due diligence and he’ll be happy to talk me through anything I have questions about. It’s a long story, and I may type it all out later, and I may not. Regardless, it was a very sobering conversation, but I appreciated that he told me. We were actually able to get lighthearted again after that, but it was never quite at the same carefree level. I became guarded.
First Impression: Guys, first impressions are SO IMPORTANT!! While I love the way he looks, and he’s lovely, witty, charming, straightforward with all of his confessions, there were some other things about him that really had me scratching my head. And even if he’d never told me about the legal problems he’s having, I would have still questioned the following things: (1) about 3 hours in, I got up to go to the bathroom, and he walked me over to show me where it is. Right before I walked down the stairs to the ladies room, he grabbed me by the waist and spun me around and kissed me. Nothing wrong with that - it was nice…but I got nervous and totally stiffened up. He then gave me explicit instructions to “soften your lips” like he was telling me what to do in a weird way…I don’t know how to explain it. Here he was doing something every intimate for the first time and explaining it to me as if he was ordering me to do something. The fact of the matter was, I wasn’t ready to kiss him and the timing was inappropriate. And (2) we ended up sharing breakfast and two times separate waiters tried to come over and take our plates away. Now, I find this annoying sometimes, too. But the second time a different wait person came around and he spun his head around and gave her the most evil, evil, EVIL eye and said, “Do you mind?” in such a tone that I thought he was going to murder her. Then he came back around and apologized to me because he knew that looked horrible. AND THEN (3), we were hugging our first goodbye (there were many goodbye hugs!) and he squeezed me really tightly and actually CRACKED MY BACK - on purpose!! Like he literally took me and cracked my spine! Now, granted it felt sooooooo good after he did it, but what the everloving FUCK? When is it ever appropriate to crack an almost-stranger’s back when they are not prepared? I don’t know, you guys. He was a lovely, charming man other than those three things. How do you take these signs? Am I being a freak and looking too hard for red flags - or are these real issues?
High Point: Laughing with ease with him. He is hilariously funny.
Low Point: Discovering his criminal not-so-distant past. Learning that he left his wife for another woman. Two massive, massive warning signs.
How It Ended: After probably an hour of trying to break away (such a strange combination of wanting to talk all day long and needing to just leave because it was such a hard combination of things to take in), we said our goodbyes. In spite of what I’ve said above, I remained fascinated about him. We even discussed walking the dog in the morning tomorrow. What do I even do with this?
Chances Are: Well, the chances that I see him again are pretty good - possibly even tomorrow, but the chances of it turning into anything are much less likely. But you never know…
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