Hey! I've written over on Open Diary for a few years but I'm seeing if I can make the switch, start new and all that.
A little bit about me:
I'm a bartender...I don't want to do it forever, but for now its good enough money and allows me to stay home all day with my little one.
He's 2...I'll call him D for now. (I'm also very paranoid about having sites like these, you'll notice I do a whole lotta venting about some crazy inlaws I have, and crazy ex wife my husband has and I always fear they'll find me lol) Anyway, yeah he's 2 and he's doing a stellar job of letting me know it lately, tantrums and what not.
I also have a step son, he's 11...I'll call him N. Biggest thorn in my side. That's all.
My husband...T I'll call him...hes a great guy I love him...but I'd be lieing if I said at this point in our lives/marriage...that its sunshine and rainbows. It's def not. we've been trying for almost 7 months for a second little one, somedays I don't know if its the right things, most days I feel it is. I tend to feel that my step son is no kind of good influence on my son, and I don't want my son to grow up alone...he needs a sibling and I would have liked them closer together, but its not panning out that way with the difficulties in making another one. Hopefully it happens soon.
I live away from my family...and close to my inlaws. I'm not fond of my MIL at all. We've had bad exchanges in words...especially this year. she bashed on my parenting, my step parenting, talks about me to my husband's ex, whom she's bffs with, she lies about everything, she teaches my step son things my husband and I don't agree with and she favors her granddaughters who she watches 40 hours a week over my kid all because i'm capable of watching him myself. It's a hot mess...I have 3 SILs also. One lives far away...I adore her, she was my maid of honor even. The other two I struggle to feel like I have a geniuine relationship with, but I do my best.
I have three close friends here where I live...we constantly compare ourselves to the sex and the city cast (Together we are two blondes, a red head and a brunette...it makes sense) They are seriously my family away from home and i'd be lost without them here.
I feel like my life is a constant struggle these days. I have issues of my own with image and weight...I am in what seems to be an uphill battle to feel good about myself. I hope to get there, I was there at one point but since having a little one and becoming so engulfed in work and raising him, and struggling with my step son and husband who seems to care less about me everyday...I think I have let myself go.
Im a person who strives for a system...some sort of organization in my home constantly. I want to just feel like I have a grip. but with the crappy schcedule I run...it out of reach. I need to really work hard to change a lot about myself and my life because everyday I seem to feel more unhappy. I know I'm the only one that can change it. It just sucks that I feel like I should have a partner in it all, ,my husband, and it simply doesn't seem to be that way. So to do it on my own feels impossible. But I'm starting new, and I'm going to up my efforts and I'm GOING to accomplish it and make my life what I want. ( this may sound like a broken record to any OD readers out there) but I'm really going to try. And I'm going to write more about it all, and hopefully find some peeps to encourage me along the way and I"ll do my best to do the same for you all.
It'll take me some time to post pics and all that, I need to get settled in here and figure the site out, but I will post some eventually.
Loading comments...