You may talk of gin and beer
When you’re quartered safe out here
Or sent to penny-fights at
Aldershot it;
But when it comes to slaughter
You’ll do your work on water
And lick the blooming boots of him what’s got it
— Kipling (My memory has holes in it, but I think that’s right, I took out the dialect because I know I’d screw something. I hear it, just don’t see it.).
I think anyone who can get their boots to bloom has a stash of water somewhere, unless they are blooming with cacti flower. My father used to pull poems and songs out of nowhere, prompted by god knows what; a word, a smell, a vision. I mean before he was demented and I mean the prompts were self-induced. He changed some words. They got me in trouble when I was trying to impress some grade school pretty pretty teacher the way some boys do.
The line he made up?
For it’s Din, Din, Din
Ya limpin’ lump of ‘orseshit gunga din …
I think it was the same English teacher I told a joke, again from my father, that I thought was both clean and English related. In a relative way it was a clean joke and definitely about English.
The Aussie Contestant was back at his home pub after competing in a spelling bee.
“Tough loss mate,” says a friend “What happened?”
“Who’d of thought ‘Orsepiss didn’t have an aitch?” (It’s easier to tell than type, you can pronounce Auspice so it sounds like auspice and ‘orsepiss).
It goes without saying that the teacher and I never grew up and had babies and a constant cycle of cooties (the cost of doing business when it comes to womenfolk. They can’t help being made out of cooties.). When his followers accused Mary Magdalen of cooties, Jesus said ‘If thy slate is clean cast ye the first stone’ again, perhaps a paraphrase. You’ll notice he didn’t say ‘No she doesn’t, you got cooties’ Well, he didn’t say No she doesn’t. ‘If your slate is clean …’ implies them without cooties have can point fingers, which, essentially, according to biblical scholars means ‘y’all got cooties’. That’s why Christs words are still relevant today; cause y’all got cooties.
Given the vast number of self-proclaimed smarty pants here, at least one of you know the medical Latin term for cooties. Something like Femme Coot Termini. Sorry, I thought it was unlikely that smarty pants folks didn’t make it past Limpin’ lump of ‘orseshit. Not entirely sure I did. So, that should pretty much catch y’all up, though Elizabeth Warren is doing something. I’m not sure what but I saw a picture with her mouth open and microphones in front.
Probably doing Gunga Din. Might have got stuck on “Regimental Bhisti”. I always pronounced that as ‘mental beasty, I mean as a darling child breaking the golden rule according to teachers and prison wardens regarding sound and vision and which the preffered method was when it came to children (hint it begins with a should be seen and ends with a not heard.).
Oh. My head hurts. A mind is a terrible thing.
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