Thursday April 28th, 2016
So I awoke this morning at 6 to a loud thud followed by my name being yelled. It appears mother got really sick this morning and on the way back from the bathroom, blacked out and fell. I helped her up and in to bed and I want back to sleep be woken up twice more and then being allowed to sleep until 11 AM. Long story short, never gotten rid of her pneumonia and I had to call an ambulance and now she is in the ICU. When I come back from visiting her in the ER several of my neighbors came out and asked what happened and said mother was in their prayers and what not which is weird because out of the past 20 times that we had an ambulance here this is the first I was approached by any of our neighbors. One of them bought a really beautiful bouquet of flowers and I took them up to mother but the nurses took them because they were not allowed in the ICU room. Being approached by so many people and the flowers really made me feel good that at least there are some people that are still good. I would say my good side is out today because I was feeling really worried, sad, and a bunch of other emotions and I started thinking that mother deserved to live more then I do because honestly I am a worthless, messed up sack of shit and honestly I really believe I shouldn’t have ever been born so I said a prayer that god take her illnesses and give them to me instead of her.
Had to borrow 50 dollars from sister 2 to pay for a phone card so I can still use it for another month, I’m surprised she even let me borrow it. REally have nothing else to say I guess.
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