While I’m busy gearing up for this scout activity I’ve organized this weekend (for the pack! I be crazy)....
And planning/stressing about our trip to Florida....
Not to mention all the crazy that the end of the school year brings....
I’ve decided we need to move. Again. Heaven help me, I don’t want to go through all that. But, I really feel like it’s what I need to do. I believe God has finally brought me to a place of peace about the decision. Like it maybe wasn’t time before, but it is now.
I actually feel like I’m working myself up about it when I’m relatively at peace with my decision. Not the steps needed to get there, but the main decision.
I just can’t handle the cigarette smoke seeping in anymore. It’s not constant, but it’s often (several times a week) and it has occasionally gotten strong enough to wake me up at night. This has been going on since AUGUST! It’s not okay, and I’m not going to make my kids deal with it anymore.
I’ve prayed and prayed and prayed about moving, but was always so torn about it. The kids have been through so much and I just want some stability for us all. So it’s physical versus mental health in some ways. But now I feel like moving is the right thing to do. I’m not even disappointed, even though I wanted to stay here until…like, #3 starts school.
It just. Moving. Again. I am not even kidding when I say this will be the 9th move since a month before I had #1 (who is 7). Packing (which I hate) and finding help and unpacking (which I oddly love because the organizing!!!) and cleaning the old place, all around and over 3 little ones who would much rather be playing or something much more exciting. And I always stress out. I feel like I always just want to finish this box or let me get this moved over here. I wish they could go stay the night with their dad and give me 2 solid days to unpack. I’d be done. But instead I either unpack while they fight and complain or I wait and unpack when they’re with their dad.
Plus there’s the tiny detail that I have to find us a place. I have 2 months but I don’t want to wait too long and have nowhere to live. I really want to get out there like yesterday and get something lined up. I know a few places to go check out but I just don’t have the time right now.
Then I have to convince them to include child support as income. Because it IS income. Someone gave me the BS line that it wasn’t “guaranteed income” but it’s as guaranteed as mine! It’s taken out of his check by the state and direct deposited in my account. Unless he ups and quits his job (which, I know people do....but so could I!) the money is going to show up just like my paycheck does.
And do I move a bit farther away from school and get someplace cheaper/bigger? Or do I stay closer and get a smaller place? I know it won’t be forever but, again, I’m hoping to stay there for a couple years. I can’t imagine getting anything smaller!
Oh, and did I mention someone brought up the possibility of me getting a substitute job? It’s just a half day preschool/daycare place that could use someone to fill in here and there and I can bring the kids. A little extra income won’t hurt us a bit, especially when I’m losing alimony next month (well, after he gets caught up). But it’s just another thing to add to my plate. But I can bring the little ones with me, so another job with no daycare expenses!
Bah!
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