Shower time is the best time to do thinking isn't it? Todays shower had me look back on my life from the start until now...I thought I would try and document it.
I was adopted before I was even born. I always grew up knowing I was adopted and it never really had a big impact on me. I grew up outside of Chicago until I was 6 when we moved to the suburbs. I didnt have many friends at school but I had a lot of neighborhood friends who were 1-2 years younger than me. I was good at school. Things were easy so I stopped working probably out of boredom...This came to bite me in the ass once middle school and highschool came. I thought I didnt have to try or study...so I didn't.
My father was in and out of the hospital a lot but no one ever told me why. Maybe because i was a child I was oblivious. I also was extremely shy and never asked questions to people (i still dont) My friends mom spilled the beans on accident one day and asked me 'How do you feel about your dad having cancer?'...What?? By the time I found out he lived less than a year longer. He died in 2002 when I was 13.
My mom moved me out of my High School where I had finally made a group of friends...and into a catholic school...No we aren't religious just she was angry at the system after my father died. I was fine there. There were only about 400 people in the school and it wasn't so bad. I was 16 and driving to school and working after school and weekends. She couldnt afford living in the area anymore so she sold the house and moved out to another suburb. Sorry did I say suburb? Farmland....Everyone in this town worked at the car factory or the green giant factory...We even had take your tractor to school day. I didn't make friends here but I had a boyfriend from where I used to live and I liked the people I worked with.
So this boyfriend and I became pretty serious. We dated for 3 years. We got engaged when I was 19-20. I didn't go to university my grades just weren't good enough. This guy worked for his fathers company working on amateur race cars...so he would go away for races all the time. Usually he would call me when he was gone but one day I got a phone call from his mother saying he had been arrested by the FBI...WHAT?? I don't want to go into details about it just because they aren't important. So my wedding, that was planned, was cancelled. I was 1 week away from closing on a house. My sister flew from NYC to be with me. I didn't know what to do really.
I started speaking with my sister more (shes 8 years older than me, so we weren't very close). I decided I was done with the small town and ready to make a change. I contacted my job and asked to be transferred to NYC. I didn't tell anyone in my family or anyone really. Only my sister knew. I had a big family dinner for my 21st birthday. I paid for my sister to be there. I told everyone I would be moving to NYC that day.
Living in Brooklyn was difficult for me...I lived paycheck to paycheck. I eventually made some friends. I felt lost though. NYC is so big and it can make you feel so small sometimes. I liked my job though. I loved the people that I worked with. Eventually I started dating this Turkish guy. He moved in with me just a month after we met. He had lost his job and he lived so far from the city. I got him a job where I worked and he agreed since we were both so poor that it would be a good idea.
We met in June. I officially became his girlfriend in December. (even though we already acted like it) He left to go back to Turkey in February for his military service. We agreed that after his service and after he found a job that I would move to Turkey.
We spent 1 year apart. I flew to Turkey in July to see him before the military. During our year apart I started taking a weight loss medicine and going to the gym 3-4 times a week. I went from a size 18 to a size 12. I weighed 210lbs and dropped to 150lbs.
In April 2010 I had contacted Space Camp in Turkey . (yea just like the US one) They offered me a job as a summer counselor. 2 weeks later I said goodbye to the only place that felt like home and got on a plane with 3 suitcases, and headed to Turkey.
His family wasn't very welcoming. His parents were angry that I wasnt Turkish. His mom said I was fat. His dad said she will get fatter after she has kids. They were sometimes really really nice to me. But once I started understanding Turkish better I realized they said really bad things behind my back.
I started gaining weight again...I didn't have the medication anymore and there werent really gyms around. My boyfriend started commenting about it. He started repeating some of the things his mom said about me. But then sometimes he would be so sweet to me...he random little things for me. So it made me overlook the train wreck that we were. We got engaged during a family holiday to Maui. I'm not really sure why we did..This is the time we probably should have broken up. But neither of us wanted to admit that we were wrong.
His best friend, who's a girl, started hanging around him more. I worked at a language school so I was working until 10pm on weekdays. Sometimes I would come home and he would be at her house. I never trusted her. But I was never the type of girl to forbid someone to do something. I knew she liked him, I knew she was trying to start something with him and I kinda just let it happen.
We broke up in August of 2012. He is now married to that girl. I was actually relieved to be out of it. I moved into an apartment with a girl from work (evil bitch, but I wont get into it) I went out with my friends, and enjoyed myself. I did way too much dating but I think it is what I needed as I had always been in serious relationships.
In June of 2013 I met the guy I am with now. 2 weeks after we met he had to go to China for work. We were not officially together or anything but I told him I would be here when he got back. I was...and here we are now.
I recently changed my job from the dreadful language school to a Kindergarten at a private school. This means finish work at 4pm, weekends off, paid school vacations (including summer). I also moved from the European side of Istanbul to the Asian side of Istanbul. I have my own place, no roommates. My relationship is not perfect...but I have some major trust issues I am trying to work through. I think we will be ok for now.
As for my mom, she has been diagnosed with Alzheimers. I don't speak to her often because we had a lot of problems while I was growing up. She took a lot of money from me, she agreed to pay for me to go to community college then decided last minute not to, she always tried to minipulate me and my sister and guilt trip us. When she started dating again she was neglectful. So as horrible as I sound...I don't keep in much contact with her. Most of my other family members don't keep in contact with me either. Aunts, uncles, cousins. I occasionally get a message from my mom's sister asking me to talk with my mom. I really only ever speak with my sister. But even now we dont speak much either..I don't understand with all of this technology and social networking why its so difficult for them to just say hey hows it going over there?
So there you are folks....there is the recap of my life. I really miss writing and I hope that I start doing it more :)
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