Of thee I sing in Normal entries

Every so often I call myself a patriot. 1) Because I am and 2) because it is not immediately apparent because I remain far left during a time when most are trying to cringe in the middle and the real fringe is right. Sorry, I like the word cringe, it implies fear though, and whereas I might be in a foul enough mood to back the word up, it is not my intention to cause conflict. Also, some people are middle people to begin with. I’m a patriot, I believe in democracy, so the middle is an acceptable personal choice. I forget who said it, Gandhi comes to mind but it doesn’t sound right, “Democracy, that sounds like a cool idea” Ok, even if it wasn’t Gandhi cool probably isn’t part of the quote. I don’t remember the quote exactly, but it implies, with no small snark, that the individual doesn’t think there’s a working example.

I’m not that kind of patriot. I’m also not all shitty about capitalism, though the whole left thing makes people assume I am. You can take McCarthy off the senate floor but you can’t take the floor off … wait, no let’s try It’s not the size of the idiot in a commie witch-hunt, it’s the size of the … no, not that one either. I’m not a commie, I’m with Gandhi, maybe, Communism sounds like a cool idea.

I’m a patriot because I am. I enlisted to protect her borders, well, Oregon’s borders, but they haven’t ceded from the union, yet. I sacrificed to protect her children, again, Oregon’s, but same lack of succession, and, though believing in capitalism, I took a civil serpents pay for both. And I marched in the streets. Often. Sometimes with a fuck load of other people and a political goal. Though I want it noted I am not afraid to march down a street alone just to get from point A to point B or at least just to get the fuck away from point A. Sometimes I’ve done that in what I was wearing the night before. No, I insist, fuck you. Wait, no, pretend this page is a moving car window “Fuck you, I did!” Hmmm, that doesn’t work either.

I guess I could go into didactic rhetoric and make my dry point; I am a patriot. Anyone who asks for didactic rhetoric is stalling or a masochist or won’t believe you (in this case me) no matter how much banal Pablum I spew. I am not a Pablum spewer to the best of my knowledge. But, again, subject number three just isn’t going to believe that.

I’m not a flag waving patriot. I’m not a constitution quoting patriot. I love the land and I’m awfully fond of some of the people. I love the land, most of it, unconditionally, and am fond of many of the people with all kinds of conditions. The first three pages of the conditions are abstract and just gratuitous cussing, well, not completely gratuitous, but the sort of thing you can’t actively change, I’ll give some examples alphabetically;

Don’t Be an;

Asshole
Asshat
Bitch
Bastard
Cooch-hater
Custard dick
Douchebag
Donut-hole
Egg Sucker
Elf twat

You get the idea (ok, so I forgot the rest of the alphabet. It’s really long. And sure I was singing along with the song but by E a bunch of my brain cells stand up, wave bic lighters and shout ‘Free Bird!’)
The next three hundred pages are much more specific. It’s because I’m fond of you guys. Countries for which I have no national pride just have the first three pages minus the Don’t Be and without any context.

I’m not a flag waver because the flag is just some colored bits of cloth (unless you have a cheap plastic one. If I was going to be offended by anything flag related it’d be that we allow some to be made out of plastic and say Winnebago on the back.). I’d get really mad if you burned my flag, the same kind of mad I’d get if you burned my shirt. Burning your own flag, safely, like with an extinguisher nearby and rocks around, well, you know, whatever. The flag is not the country. I feel the same way about burning a politician although burning people is a shitty thing to do and they’ll probably give you the chair because burning famous people is both shitty and stupid. Ok, burning a politician can probably be pleaded down to … anything you can afford, doesn’t mean it isn’t shitty. They were people before they made the stupid mean choice to go into politics.

Constitution quoting — first off it’s like bible quoting, it doesn’t make you smart, it makes boring and naïve. Bible quoting also makes you lonely, not alone, you have the company of other bible qouters, but lonely. Constitution quoting makes you naïve. It’s not that piece of pious paper that keeps our shit together. That paper gets challenged all the time and beat up for its lunch money. It’s even got a few bits about how it should get challenged and beat up for its lunch money. In the real world the only rights you have are ones you are willing to enforce or lose your lunch money over. Sort of like the Declaration of independence only more formal. Like in the real world nobody is exactly sure how to exercise the pursuit of happiness, didn’t think the right to their own life was in question and liberty is one of those things you don’t look up because you think you know what it means and yet when you want to use it in a sentence it’s something like “So, so officer, motherfucker tried taking certain liberties with my booty, so I broke off a piece of my pursuit of happiness in his ass.”

Great. A paragraph ending in ass. That means I’m done. If I had a point it’s wandered off somewhere and is either crying or drinking or both.