I know this sounds pathetic but I just paid - no lie - $30 to o.d.for a one year subscription...I should have gone with my gut feeling but nope went and did it anyway.Shame on me.I have this need to write .To explore my inward thinkings and think how I want to shape the future or think how I want my future should go but that is neither here nor there.I have another journal that I call my "soft" journal. It sits right beside my bed but this is my journal here and it is called my "hard" journal. The nrg is different between the 2.One is thru the keys the other is thru the pen which has different nrg.But the need to write never changes. It is how I digest things that go thru my life.Without this I think I would feel like a suffocation of emotions.I know suffocation.I have asthma.
With a new year I think well I should say I know this will be the place to be.I know it isn't all fancy smanshy like od with different back rounds and fonts and all but it's what I need in order to digest a hellish night at work or a terrific move in my life.This is the place to capture it all.Trust me alot of changes are gonna happen this year. So I need a safe,secure spot that I can come to when things go good and not so good.One thing about life...Good dosn't last forever and neither does bad.
I want to down load all my old stuff from o.d.before it crashes for good and get use to the new digs here. It's kind of like moving from a house into an apartment. It isn't so bad.I feel like the pressure is off.Moving is going to be a bitch it is always is.That is the reason I bought this home. To keep from moving.But with this new apt.I feel like I can "reallllly" stay there. The reason I say this is because I know these people for a long time.Not only are they friends they look out after me.I am blessed to have them in my life.They are the ones to called me to let me know the apt .is for rent.For $600 it is nice.I have to adjust but I will.I adjust all the time. You have to the moment you don't life becomes alot more difficult and it is already hard so why make it harder? I will be ok.I will always be o.k.But I want to be better than o.k. and that too will come in time.I know it. For some people this may seem to be a move down but to me it is a move up. A move to freedom from the bank,from the responsibilities of the house, the pressures of keeping this house.It is time to move on and I am doing just that.Moving on ~ forward.Never straight.
So now we move on.Welcome to the new year.A new journal in a new place.From now on I will come here.Make adjustments now and then.Life is tweaking.Tweaking that things need done here and there to make everything copomsetic.You have to.Staying in just one place alllllll the time and being familiar is good and safe and we all need that but change once in a while is good.A good test to see if I am sharp as I was 6 months ago or even a year ago.Yes.This year will be good for all of us.It has too.I have gone so long with feeling shitty that it is time to move on.I am lucky and I know that.I won't take it for granted. I take nothing for granted.
Well I babbled on long enough. Tom.is a new day.I hope I feel rested.Today it rained and we have a cold front that is going to last a week.I cry if it goes under 70 so this here is serious.For Reals.
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