Well, I did it. I organized my clothes over the weekend – clothing being step one in the KonMari method of organizing and decluttering that I’m working on mastering (see previous entry for a link to what I’m referencing - basically, you keep only the things that spark joy). Next steps: accessories (which I’ve started), books, papers, bath goods, kitchen goods, dog stuff, and that gigantic mess of art and craft supplies that I’ve tossed behind a giant screen divider in my living room.
It was awesome to do the clothing stuff, and I feel so much better AND motivated to keep going! My closet is a joy to walk into. It looks wonderful and everything has a home. I LOVE it.
Do you think I can use this method in more ways than just the stuff that I surround myself with? More on that in a few…
Regarding the Sex part of my previous entry: YES. It gets better and better and better where the Bulldog is concerned. He did take me to the Mediterranean place on Friday night, and we had a wonderful, wonderful time. He was even nervous about going because he’d never been there before and had just heard about how authentic the place was. He was kind of adorable for being unsure about the place because he didn’t want to disappoint me. Awwww.
But it did NOT disappoint. In fact, it was SUCH authentic Middle Eastern cuisine that there was no alcohol on the menu. We sat next to each other in a kind of side booth type table and ordered enough food for about six people and then laughed and ate and had such a great time talking without any cloudiness from alcohol.
And though he joked about having sex in the car in the parking lot after dinner, it was just too damn cold. So we went back to my place and did it. And it rocked me to the core. It was passionate and full of deep, sexy kisses. Just so, so fucking hot. I was shaking.
So of course, I fall in love with him a tiny bit more every time this happens and I can’t help it. I try so hard not to, but it just doesn’t work.
So the question is, does having the Bulldog in my life spark JOY? It’s a really tough question because yes, just about every time I see him I’m happy. He makes my heart swell (among other things) and he makes me swoon. But the fact of the matter is, he doesn’t WANT a relationship, and not only does that NOT spark joy, it sometimes breaks my heart a little bit more. Not all the time, but sometimes. And here I am swirling with the Bulldog consuming my thoughts and you know what?
I’m in the SAME EXACT PLACE I WAS A YEAR AGO!!
I have GOT to start seeing other people, and soon. Immediately, even. I’ve fallen in love again, or actually, never fallen out of love with the Bulldog. So of course, it hurts to think about. I wish so very much that I didn’t care and that I could just enjoy his company and hang out with him and maybe screw around a little. Ahh, but there’s the catch. The screwing around stuff has screwed my head and it continues to do so. I don’t know if we could go back to the way things were way back when we first met. Could we?
MMMMmmmm….no.
So, what would bring me joy?
Looks like I need to keep organizing, purging, decluttering…
GS
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