Cruel in 2016

F you world.

That’s all I have to say today.

…

Ok, not really. I could never say so little. hah.

But seriously. I checked my e-mail this morning after I got to work [a clear inbox keeps me from getting distracted wanting to check it!]. The first thing I notice, other than an e-mail from my brother…oh shoot!! that reminds me that I still haven’t taken care of what he asked me to do!! brb.
See the stupid e-mail I’m trying to tell you about was more of a distraction than I thought because I didn’t want to actually think about it.

Anyway, it was an e-mail from stupid fb and the headline read: Do you know “CK” [except with his real name, obviously - they don’t know my silly nicknames for people haha!]

But Yeah.

Out of all the people in the world. All the possible people that fb is constantly trying to force me to be friends with. They pick this one person.

It wasn’t even an e-mail filled with multiple people to choose from. I get those every once in a while. No. This one just had one person. One name splashed across my inbox.

I’ve seen him in my ‘suggested friends’ before, so it’s not like I didn’t know he had a fb profile. Plus I obviously e-stalked him once or twice back in the day. I just cannot understand why fb would pick this one person to separate from the crowd and specifically ask me about. There are a million other people it could have chosen.

It’s like the world’s cruel way of shoving him back in my face. Every time I try to walk away from it.

Especially now that my season has started I am having reminders all the time. Like all last week I kept having these thoughts about him walking back into the office after all this time. Suddenly I started noticing the truck engines again, which I hadn’t really paid attention to in several months. It was all coming back now. The sights, the sounds. And I couldn’t get him out of my head.

I’d been doing so well lately. Not sure when it was but I just reached a point where I wasn’t constantly wondering about him. Probably sometime after Thanksgiving when he didn’t come back to town and the neighbor’s didn’t even mention his name around us. Or when I didn’t hear from him during any of the holidays that passed. He just became a less frequent presence in my world. Which I was happy about! It was about damn time that I stopped wondering/fretting about that whole situation. I mean so many years were put into it.

Not that I’d say I wasted those years, necessarily. He was a nice friend to have around, when he was around. I don’t regret any of those moments, even if they caused me some kind of delayed lonely reaction once he was gone. [See why I don’t like getting close to people!?]

But it still feels like a cruel joke. A sick, mean-spirited joke from this jerk of a universe.

Now I’m going to have to find some way to get him out of my head again. A way to stop wondering why on earth he refuses to look in on me. How did we even get to this place? Better yet, how did I even get to this place!?

And stupid fb too. That damn thing, I swear.

I was going to say that I was going to go home and contemplate this over a nice cold beer, but beer reminds me of ck and now that’s ruined today too!

humph.

rose.
5:42pm

Last updated January 27, 2016