Maybe I will try to write every day. My purposes might be a bit different than most people who make that claim. Huh, that sounded smug or something. I just mean I need the focus. Not even all that interested in the content, though it feels good to write content I like. I’m having difficulty enough just maintaining focus without stressing over whether it’s any good or not.
I’ve done all that before, more or less successfully I suppose. This has more to do with setting aside a piece of structured time to keep it from all being unstructured. Yes, I don’t need to post it, and nobody needs to read it. I would have lost interest myself before this sentence. Posting is more of an organizational thing; I ain’t got none. Organization that is. Prosebox does.
My head is doing really odd things. I really hope it’s just backwash from taking that stupid SSRI. I haven’t figured out a way to articulate what it’s doing that doesn’t sound crazy. Calling them headaches is way over simplified. The odd ones aren’t an ache at all, they don’t hurt, the eye headaches are pretty normal except the frequency with which I’ve been having them. The others … well, I’m probably doing really well when I stop writing everyday.
I’m not going to try explaining them just yet. I’m still well within the time frame of SSRI side effects. I should have known better. SSRI’s have never worked for me and I’ve been through a lot of them. The guy the other day got mad at the suggestion that perhaps serotonin reuptake wasn’t the problem. Hmmm, maybe he didn’t get mad at that, he got mad at me questioning why he thought serotonin reuptake was the problem without any diagnosis tool. It’s not really a bad question.
There are ads on television all the time about some new SSRI and how you should ask your doctor if it’s right for you and sad people looking happy and a long ass list of side effects. Anti-depressants. I think doctors and patients alike get caught up in the name and ignore the pharmacology. They are not happy pills, it’s why there isn’t a recreational market for them. How cool would that be though, pills that make you happy? Real cool. Truth is nobody knows what any of them will do to any given person at any given time and a lot of them are prescribed specifically for the side effects.
For instance, for a short while, well butrin was renamed and released as a treatment for smoking. In some people taking it as an SSRI they lost their desire to smoke. I assume the stats only applied to people who smoked before taking it. For all the madness inherent in those few sentences and summery of recent history, well butrin is a whole lot safer than the current no smoking pill; Chantix.
Again, you have to take most SSRI’s long enough to build up serum level to discover what exactly they will do to you or for you. Personally I’d be real surprised if Chantix, for instance, has a success rate much higher than a placebo, I know the mortality rate is a lot higher than a placebo. But, Chantix is specific, SSRI’s not so much.
Done bitching, that’s enough focus.
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