So I've made the transition, I moved over here from opendiary.
I hadnt written anything on there for about a year, summer is too busy to write, and the rest of my life is too busy to write too. It seems the only time I can find is near christmas... mostly because its the year is winding down and when I'm burning up all of my left over vacation.
So, it looks like everything from opendiary is done, gone, and lost for good. Does it matter over all? no, not one bit. I remember most everything important from there, and since I've basically stopped telling anyone about my issues it doesnt matter. Its my past, and thats the way it will stay. Does it change anything I did, or anything that happened to worry about it and read it over? Nope, if anything the only thing I would do is read back on it and think to myself "wow, that was stupid, I cant believe I let that bother me for that long/did that/regretted that/thought that,,," Really reading back on my past is just reflecting, and more importantly, wishing I had done things differently.
No matter how hard I wish, or hope, there is nothing I can do to change anything, I've learned to live with my mistakes, laugh at them, and not bother anyone else with it.
I used to vent to a lot of people, friends and coworkers mostly about some of my issues, and really it didnt help. Nothing helps when venting, the only thing that helps is actually doing something about it, its really odd for me to think about the fact that over the past year or so I've had multiple issues that bothered me a lot, and I've told almost no one. None... I guess my point is I dont have anyone to turn to anymore, I cant rely on anyone because what it boils down to is it is all my fault, and I'm the only one who can come up with any form of solution.
There is one thing, however, that is really annoying. I sometimes wonder if one of my friends has some form of mental issue. I swear, he's bipolar and he only believes what he concocts in his mind, despite everyone telling him otherwise. He's 35 and, like me, for the past year or so has been trying to move out, but every time he gets paid he ends up blowing it on something he wants and then complains for the next month about not having any money. Me, my issue with not moving out has I HAVE all of the money I need, I just cant access it yet... its been 6 months longer than I thought it would be. Anyway, back to him, I've fronted him money for things, and he does pay me back but I have to ask him 20 times, or other times he'll say "I need to move out" then a week later when I ask if he wants to go out on a friday he will say "I cant, I just bought a $1,500 gun"... its like WTF, you want to move out, so you buy a gun, or earlier in the week you say you want to go out on friday but you'll go out and buy something else and suddenly not have any money. The other thing that makes me think he has some form of serious undiagnosed mental illness is the fact that he tags me in EVERYTHING on facebook... I mean EVERY FUCKING THING.... even things that are blatant lies about me that he has made up in his own head. For one, he thinks I'm getting married, he thinks I've been out shoppng for rings and I'm certainly marrying my girlfriend when that is far from the truth. But he'll go out and tag me in things and post things like that on Facebook. If is tagged him in 5% of everything he tags me in he would throw a shit fit and demand I untag him... or, another thing, whenever we're out with our friends, and say one of them brings out a new girlfriend or girl who happens to be a friend, his first and foremost immediate topic of conversation with any new girl is how much I lie to my girlfriend... which that in itself is a lie. Look... I'll be honest, I used to lie to her about things often, but I've stopped... for the most part... I dont cheat on her or do anything bad behind her back, and I dont lie to her about what I'm doing at night anymore. I may occasionally not tell her when a friend brings out their girlfriend or not tell her I got food after the bar and its only because I'd just rather avoid the 1000 questions that come with it, but I dont lie to her about where I'm going, when I'm doing it, or other things for the most part.
Its still a shitty relationship (which is why I dont bitch about it to people anymore)
But still, back to my friend... so he never has money, yet spends it all, I'm the main topic of conversation and I'm the main topic of a good 10% of his facebook posts, and yet another thing that annoys the crap out of me about him is his complete and utter lack of commitment, and his assumption that anyone else saying "maybe" means a firm 100% commitment on their part. For instance, I'll say on wednesday "do you want to go to this bar on saturday" and he will say "yeah, that place looks good, lets go"... then come friday you can tell hes trying to back peddle out of it, then saturday he'll have some excuse about how he cant go or how we should go somewhere else because it'll be 10 times better, or he's too hungover from the night before... just some excuse about how he cant go out or how he has to change plans. But, when it comes to me and my friends... he'll try to plan things 2 or 3 weeks in advance, and then we will say "maybe" and he will assume that we're fully committed to going despite the fact that we never even said we would. For an example, 3 months ago on a whim he decided to plan to go visit a friend in Nashville in November, I said I might go... and unknown to me, he already planned everything around me going despite the fact that I hadnt even committed to going yet. Then 2 weeks before we're supposed to go and after I was forced to commit by default, he tried to back peddle out of going! Too bad, we forced him to go. Basically if he commits to doing something and its more than 5 hours before the start of it you can safely bet that he will change his mind before going, but if I, or my other friend, doesnt even commit to what he wants to do then he just assumes we're going...
I guess this entry turned into me venting again....
oh well,,, I dont even remember where I was originally going.
I guess I'll just say my history on opendiary is lost. Oh well surprisingly it doesnt bother me.
Also, I'm finally able to actually look into moving out of my parents house, and I've begun looking almost every day now, and I've been talking to mortgage vultures who call my phone 4 or 5 times a day... fun. I wanted to be out of my parents house before my 30th birthday a few months ago (I made some mistakes, dont ask) but I'm still waiting for the last part of my money to actually become my money before I can make a small down payment and have a very small safety net left over as cash in the bank. Currently I have enough for a down payment, but I'd have $0 in my bank account, or enough for cash in the bank but only a 3% down payment.
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