Dudes, seriously?
It all started pretty quietly Sunday night. Was having a relaxing evening, winding down the holidays and getting ready for the work week - first day back in the office after goofing off for a couple of weeks. I was actually cooking dinner (that never happens), when my dog came down with the shivers and the shakes. She even panted a little bit. No vomit or anything, but I could tell she was extremely distressed. I thought about the emergency vet, but I also know that I tend to be a bit of an overprotective pet parent, so I decided to just watch her closely.
More shivers and shakes, most of the night. She crated herself and finally came to bed, but was still not feeling well - until we got to the office first thing on Monday morning (yes, I take my dog to work…Helicopter Mom to the n-th degree) and she seemed absolutely fine. She was playing, tail wagging, happy to see everyone in the office.
Last night we got home from work and all of a sudden, there were the shakes again! It was the second we walked into the apartment - actually before we even walked in! She did NOT want to go inside that apartment. What on earth? Was there a gas leak? Something strange was going on.
I Googled the hell of of “shivering dog nervous panting distress”…
And then I heard it - the chirp of the smoke detector. And again a couple minutes later. So I Googled “shivering dog smoke detector”.
And there it was - the chirping of the smoke detector was completely freaking my dog out to the point of torture. Many people had written about it in various pet forums, saying that smoke detector chirping can absolutely WRECK some dogs.
I thought back to the night before and I realized that I had heard the chirping a couple of times but didn’t think anything of it because I’d hear it and then I wouldn’t hear another chirp for hours. They were so few and far between I didn’t think anything of it.
But Monday night the chirping was every couple of minutes! It was beyond time to change those batteries. And wouldn’t you know it, the smoke detector was high up on the hallway ceiling. I had to turn that fucker off immediately before it made my dog pass out!
So I pulled out the stepladder that I’d borrowed from SexyPants and never given back. I just knew it would come in handy at some point! I had to reeeeeach way up, but I was able to unscrew the top and had to yank at the cords to get the battery to fall out. Aaah relief!!
Then…
CHIRP!!!
What. The. EFF.
I must have turned off the CO detector and not the smoke detector (or possibly vice versa?) because that chirping was still happening! Seemingly more frequently and at a more painful frequency. My poor baby doggy.
Lo, there’s another one in the bedroom. Only this was was on the 18’ part of the framed ceiling!!!! How on earth to disable that one?
I pushed the stepladder over into the bedroom, but there was no way I could come even close. So then I got in the closet and pulled out a broom and tried to whack at the thing from as high up on the ladder as I could get. Nope, didn’t work. So THEN, I found a wire hanger from the dry cleaner and rigged it into a hook fashion on the end of the broomstick so that maybe I could pry the cap off of the detector and then possibly hook the wires down in such a manner that I could disarm the thing.
Nope. Nope. And Nope. Nothing was working.
And the poor dog needed to get the everlovin’ EFF out of that apartment.
So we went for a walk. And on this walk I thought and thought about what I was going to do. And then I decided…
I called the Bulldog and asked him for a HUGE FAVOR. I asked him if we could come over and spend the night. And even though he was working (he works from home), and who knows what kinds of plans he had that night, he told me that we could.
So the dog and I finished our walk and I didn’t want to subject her to anymore of that chirping bullshit, so I put her in her pet carrier in the car and ran up to the apartment just to grab my purse and some dog food (she couldn’t eat under all of that stress) and my laptop so that I could log on to my resident portal to submit an urgent request to get that damn smoke detector fixed. Ran back downstairs fast. Got in the car and headed to the Bulldog’s.
We kissed hello. He had just called in an order for pick up at the Thai place so we ran out there and came back to his place where he continued to work and eat while the dog and I sat on the sofa and watched a few episodes of Fargo.
And then it was bedtime. I set my alarm for insanely early (because I was going to have to go home to get ready for work in the AM) and we snuggled down in the bed: me, the Bulldog and the dog. Bulldog and I had one of the greatest pillow talk sessions ever. Just talk, mind you, but it was good and real and sincere and beautiful.
And then we slept.
And then my alarm went off at a horrible hour.
And I woke horny. He was too. It was inCREDIBLE.
Then up and out to get ready for work.
Of course, when we got there, the dog did NOT want to go inside and I really don’t blame her. Because chirp, chirp, CHIRP!
I hurried and got ready while the dog cowered in the corner. But we were soon back out the door and on the way to work where the dog was fine, once again. No shivers, not shakes, all tail wags and licks.
Work, work, work (actually a long, sucky story), worked some more, worked late but I was fine when we got in the car to come home because I knew all would be fine once we got there.
Of course, once we got there the dog was afraid of even approaching the building. But i picked her up and coo’d in her ear that everything would be fine because of course, maintenance had come and fixed everything.
Made it into the door, when “chirp”.
They didn’t fucking come!!! It was still chirping right along, now with even MORE frequency!
AAARRGGGGHHHHH! I was so freaking frustrated and the dog was cowering and panting in the closet this time. Horrors!!
I actually thought about calling the Bulldog and asking him for another (sexy) sleepover, but HELLO, he’s not my boyfriend! I can’t do this to him two nights in a row. But I DID send him a text because we’d spent a lot of time talking about my apartment situation and such, so I just tapped out a text telling him that maintenance had NOT fixed the problem and I still had a chirping issue and a very terrified dog.
No response.
I was pulling clothes for tomorrow and booking a hotel room close to my office when the called me back. I told him what was going on and he couldn’t believe it, and there was advice, but of course there was no invitation. Clearly he had other things to do and I guess I wore out my welcome anyway.
So here we are in this lonely, cold hotel room. The dog has finally calmed down and is in a deep sleep now, under the covers, curled up in a sweet little ball.
And I tap this out, no longer fuming about the chirping after having emailed a scathing letter to the apartment management. They will also get a copy of my bill.
These last couple nights have brought up a LOT of thoughts and emotions. I would like to write them out, but for now I gotta sleep. i’m exhausted from the puppy drama/trauma and getting up so freaking early. And moving around town. And thinking about things. And not in my own bed.
So I will close and sleep and dream chirp-free dreams (I hope).
With love from the Hyatt Place,
GS
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