3:30 PM
So I was suppose to start back up with the Gym today but that didn’t happen.... And here is why, Mother is still sick and asked me to go to the post office so I said sure, I would head there before hitting the gym. So I head to the post office and got the mail, got back in my car and went to back up and I turned my head I guess too hard and heard a Loud pop......... Instant pain, I was really scared and I had to get home so I couldn’t even turn my head to see if any car was coming I just had to rely on instinct and feeling. When I tried getting out of the car (I have a small car and I am a big guy) I did it very slow but it was on the left side of my neck that I pulled this muscle so I could feel the pain rack down the whole left side of my arm and it came to a point where I almost threw up. Thankfully my mother has some good painkillers and muscle relaxers. So I lay in bed for a while watching some shows on netflix before I decided I felt better (thank god for the medicine) and now I am able to sit at the computer and write this..
I have been depressed for a few days as well, my heart just aches. I feel really sad thinking back on how I acted and went about things before I learned about my mental illnesses. There were so many friendships that I ended because I was either mad or I felt that their friendship to my best friend would end our friendship so I did everything in my power to burn the bridge of friendship between us. I feel like I am starting to rebuild these bridges but even if I am forgiven I will never forgive myself for the way I acted. I guess I might have to wait a few more days before hitting up the gym again. I am so disappointing in myself. Another thing I wanted to point out is I have a friend who is in the Marines, we are not close friends but I have known him a while and he is part of this clique that I ended up a part of. Anyway what tears my heart up is he is republican and understand this, the republicans have voted many times against veterans benefit bills. I am not going to say anything to him about my feelings because I don’t want our friendship to end and from what I can tell he accepts that I have different views them him. He moved away to California when he joined the Marines but he posts stuff on facebook, I have another friend who is in the service I recently reconnected with. Both of these friends I am trying hard to remain friends with, I just wish I knew what they really thought about me because my views are so different from theirs. Whenever they post something on facebook I usually like it unless it is something political that I do not agree with.
I just want to repair the damage I have done with past friends because I realize that I really don’t have many anymore and now that we all graduated we are not all really that connected, just mainly by facebook. I guess that is all. I feel somewhat better now.
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