I’m Abby, I am 16. I wanted to tell about a time in my life where I thought it would be the end until i learned that there is more to look forward to then the back of your eyelids....
I started having depression when I was very young. I was on my first medication at age 11 and have never been taken off of them, just been put on more and i’m 16 now. My dad left me and my mom when I was 2, at age 3 I had lost the grandma that meant the most to me. I can still remember getting Tootsie Rolls from her and mom would say that I needed to go and give them back to her. Back to my dad, he never really was a dad. When I was 12, we went to his moms and I ended up going to a friends house with my dads friends kid. Well my phone wasn’t working right and a missed a bunch of calls from dad and his friend. When they saw us coming back home they told us to get in the car. When we got back home, my dad’s friend was yelling at me and then told me to hold my hands out. I did… Bad idea.. He smacked them. It hurt so bad. I ran into the house and waited for my dad to come in, but he didn’t, no one did. But that was when I was 12. Before that i had, had 2 siblings. I love them and still do, so much. I haven’t talked much to my dad. It hurts. I got picked on a lot.... I got called a slut… when i wasn’t. I never knew what I thought would be the best thing to me ended up to be the worse thing ever to happen. I had my first kiss. Well i knew someone had liked him, never knew that i would have just got played. Well i did. I got bullied in life and online. I know that people tell us never let people make you look down on yourself. Yeah well its harder then it looks. When I hit high school, people liked me but then some didn’t. My freshman year was the first time I was thinking about suicide. Well my sophomore year I was hospitalized for the first time. I tried to kill myself, but my step dad disarmed me and took me down. I was in the hospital for a week. After I got out i went back in a month later for the same thing. During the second time in the hospital, many things happen. I was locked in my room with a girl that had a really sharp pencil, I wasn’t aloud to move or she would stab me. It was really scary. Another time during that same week I saw a girl get strapped down in a chair and put in the safe-room but still end up hurting herself. That was the last time I was in the hospital. When I left I was put in group therapy. Pass 5 months, I was feeling very good and hadn’t had any bad thoughts for at least 3 months. But all that changed. A day before i was supposed to be discharged i witnessed one of my friends i had grown close to try and commit suicide. I didn’t know where she went and then I remembered that in the bathroom 2 mins earlier she had told me she would jump. I really thought she was playing.... I don’t think I will ever get the picture of her body laying 2 stories down, not moving, and not saying a sound. She is alive. We got told that she is lucky because when she landed face down into the water fountain there was a doctor near that flipped her over. I remember when we all got into the room after, we all cried. A lot. Ever since that moment i have never thought again about ending my life ever again. About a week ago a 12 year old girl killed herself over bullying. I wish i knew her better and what i really wish is that she had someone to talk to when she needed it the most.
So if you need to talk please don’t hesitate to message me at [email protected]
You don’t have to tell me any personal information an everything is confidential. PLEASE PLEASE don’t hesitate. Everyone needs someone to talk to including you.
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