Tuesday Ten in These Foolish Things

Had it with work. Must do something pretty quickly, but working morning, noon and night is not cutting it and certainly doesn’t help with trying to plan and strategize around finding a new job. My sort-of boss (long story, but I’m now working for two people…another bullshit move on my company’s part) texted me well into the night, way past my bedtime, about stupid, STUPID things. He’s in China and I can tell he’s jetlagged and not reading my paperwork correctly. He misread several things that I clarified on the spot and he was like, oh yeah…

I’m really not a prima donna (I promise!), but my next trip I have to fly coach and it’s bullshit. I’m not heading over to China (a sixteen hour flight) for a fun vacation – I am supposed to be well-rested and to hit the ground running as soon as I get there, but instead I’ll be cramped and fatigued. I have to figure out how to get in a better frame of mind because it’s just going to happen regardless. I hate that I end up spending a month before these trips prepping and stressing, the trips are two to three weeks and another month to recover from these things. That’s nearly half the year either prepping, going or recovering. What am I doing? A plan. I need an exit strategy and I need one STAT.

Insert palate cleanser here.

I’d all but gotten The Guy out of my life when he comes back on Friday evening with this extra long message on FB, putting this whole thing back on me. Basically, he said he thought I just wasn’t interested and that’s why he hasn’t pursued anything further with me. Wha? Looking back, I believe it was a manipulative ploy to put some kind of blame back on me for letting this non-relationship never come to fruition. Well, it worked. On Saturday, I wrote back and told him that because we’ve been friends for so long, of course I wanted to remain friends and perhaps do some things together (I can’t believe I did that!). So he invited me to an event this weekend that’s supposed to be super cool. Luckily, [Athena] had already asked me to go with her to this event, so I got out of going with The Guy and I’ve left any and all future contact ambiguous. Is this wrong of me?

Saturday morning, I went to bootcamp. It was a lovely morning and [Athena] and another friend of hers came too. It was such a good workout and I’m still sore on Tuesday morning! I have slacked on the bootcamp for various reasons, but I want so desperately to magically be in shape. This is clearly a lifelong theme. I keep thinking about getting a trainer and then I never do. There are these guys who train on Saturday mornings in the park right next to where we do bootcamp, and they are like animals. Inspiring, but unattainable. Or is it really? What would happen if I were to go all hard core? Clearly I’m not that motivated. I wish I were.

Speaking of physique, I have a new “friend”. Long story, but we have many mutual friends, but most of them are more peripheral friends. He’s one of those guys who knows everyone…seemingly everyone in town. He has a job that’s very much in the public eye and he is quite a gregarious figure. Anyway, he took a shine to me after he crowdsourced people on FB to get involved in something that he was doing for a local professional sports team. He photographed me for this upcoming event and I had SO MUCH FUN doing this photo shoot. We laughed and joked and it was just a lighthearted fun thing. ANYWAY! I told you this was a long story…he started texting me just a few days ago, and we ended up hanging out on Saturday evening. He’s funny and tons of fun to hang out with, and I know he’s attracted to me, and we even kissed at the end of the evening. But I’m struggling with something that’s making me feel really guilty for being superficial. He’s a larger man than I’m used to being with romantically, specifically in the belly. I wish I didn’t notice it, but I do. And the endearing part is that he tells me that he’s very self-aware and that he knows he’s a bigger guy and that there are things to work on. I’m not going to let this stop me from seeing what can transpire. I mean, I’m certainly no supermodel, and I feel weird even writing this. Who knows what could happen? I was really happy that he got in touch. We’ll see!

I saw the Bulldog again on Tinder a few days ago (yeah, I know, why the hell do I keep going back to THAT empty, dirty well?) and can’t stop thinking about him. He looks so handsome in his photos. I feel kind of bad for him because as I look back I think he actually may have tried with me the best way he knew how. It was different than any way I’ve experienced before and I didn’t get it, and I still don’t really. But now that time has given me a little perspective, I get it a little better, even though it ended up being a bummer.

I’ve been internet shopping like a fiend! I love Fall, and I didn’t buy anything fashion-wise for myself all Spring or Summer, so I figured that I could treat myself a little bit. So far, I’ve purchased the following: [deep breath] A black, layered, knit perforated skirt that looks badass, hits below knee. Black sweater with black suede fringe on the sleeves (too hot out to wear yet). Super clingy sleeveless knit dress in a burgundy color. I’ve worn once with Spanx, but need to lose about 10 lbs before it looks great on me. Black pants with lace overlay in front. A Laundry by Shelli Segal charcoal gray wrap dress (I have about three dresses that look just like this – not sure what I was thinking there, but I know that they look good on me. Tan suede boots with fringe on the back. See: here!These! Printed tee shirts from Target (they have some great prints: a camo/animal print combo, a tortoise shell-looking print, a plain white Tee, and something else print that I forgot). A bunch of makeup from Sephora that I’ve needed – refills, replacements and such. Jewelry from baublebar.com. OMG – gorgeous jewelry and packaged so perfectly that when it arrives, it feels like a birthday gift!

Speaking of birthdays, mine’s at the end of this month. 48 years old? Me?! This is not happening. I feel like such a child…still! Must step up game, of some sort!

OK. Enough for today. It was nice writing this down. I miss doing this.