Got the Apt. in Plan B

What a day it has been. This a.m. went to the bank to withdraw $ and got 3 blank checks. I am not going to get a check book. I have 2 one is from 100 years ago the other is from my old bank. So no. I gave one check to the new landlords ( 2 gay chicks ) to hold the place. It is nice. All white. Tile flooring. Big front porch and a nice front yard with 2 big ol oaks. Old school jalousie windows and a side yard that the baby can make a quick pee if he has too. Ol school green bathroom but it fits me and that is what is important. Just so glad I found it. Thank you zillow.
I picked up Casie Marie Boo - Boo Heads ashes today. It kind of finalized it for me and left me feeling horrible all over again. I miss her so fucking much. I know I have been using that word alot lately but it seems to fit how I feel and fuck fills the spot perfectly. I know this sounds morbid but I looked at her ashes. There heavy to begin with. But there beautiful in another way. I just miss her so. Her sounds. Her heavy sighs. Her checking on me. Me laying with her falling asleep on the floor. Sore as hell the next day. I have so many stories to share and I will as time goes on but it’s too close right now. She was as close to a human without all the fucked up shit we carry. They live in the “NOW” - I can not. I try. I practice. I watch Super Soul Sunday and have it give me tips I take notes but no. I can’t. I am getting better at it but it is still there like a bugger on the finger.
I will make it - I always do. What’s the alternative? Really?