The Box seems to lock out my lurking family members, at least some books do. On OD the only family member that ever joined was my brother and I rarely have ever talked shit about him or, and more to the point, talked about his business. It’s only in the last few years that I’ve doubted that every phrase from out his mouth is a pearl of wisdom. Honestly the whole move to Florida thing had me thinking he must be out of his motherfucking mind. It made a little more sense when he was up here this last summer and we were drinking fine Irish whisky and smoking Fuentes Opus X Churchill’s and I asked “Are you out of your motherfucking mind?” that he had a sort of reasonable answer over the top of my little sister laughing and saying “Not in front of the Em Oh Em.”
So, I’m putting my daughters business up here. She hardly ever lurks and she’s going to be very busy and would forgive me my trespasses with a dismissive “I’m not co-signing that bullshit”.
Her douchebag of a boyfriend kicked her and the grandwhelp to the curb three days before the GRE and five days or so before her trip home for thanksgiving, a holiday she holds sacred above all other holidays. I suppose if this becomes a long entry I’ll explain the thanksgiving thing. To sum it up, the curb to kicking, this 35 (ish) grown ass man (at least in height weight age and stature) threw a bit of a temper tantrum. It burned a four hundred dollar non-redeemable airplane ticket. Not like he paid for it. Back in May I offered to pay for it under a singular condition; he had to ask me to, convince me he’d actually go. My daughter bought the ticket instead. She bought his truck. She paid the rent. She bought all the food in the house.
Dude threw his tantrum with “You aren’t trying hard enough in this relationship” which sort of meant he wasn’t getting enough attention. I think he was expecting her to apologize and promise to try harder. She did not. She agreed with him. He got all bent out of shape and, given the timing, made it impossible for her to ever forgive him. Last time he left her with a lease, took the dogs, was even more of a whiny titty baby having a tantrum. During that break up dude did the one thing every grown man and woman knows is stupid desperate, you must be out of your motherfucking mind, did you ever leave high school; he slept with his ex, his baby momma. I’m not noting that out of bitterness, they were broken up and my daughter had a boyfriend. I’m saying it because it’s so unbelievably naïve stupid ass douchebaggery.
The condition of getting back together was couples counseling, which, after she moved her stuff and child in, he quit as “you all just gang up on me.” I’m sure that was true. He is the problem, he is the major problem in his own life. Oh, he had taken the dogs too. Again, animals my daughter had paid for. I’m not suggesting he is a gigolo, I’m suggesting outside of his lifelong career as a part time cook/bartender, he’s never had a real job and the only way he could support himself on that was that up until he moved in with my daughter he had lived with his mother.
Granted, it could be construed as the way that I am living with my folks, that he was taking care of her. His mother has been in and out of the hospital over the past four months; he hasn’t even talked to her, screened her calls. My daughter has, the mother asks why her son won’t talk to her. My daughter, after being kicked to the curb, between GRE and scrambling for a place to hang her hat when she got back from Portland, was going to take the mother in for her surgery which was cancelled for reasons that don’t make sense. None of the doctors have explained her condition in a way that the mother has understood and her other children who are talking to her can’t explain either. I mean she’s morbidly obese, diabetic and obviously fucked up and yet all the hospital admissions and such seem to have nothing to do with nothing.
The point being dude, the once and future not the boyfriend isn’t a very good son either. He is burning all the wrong bridges. He should have worshiped my daughter. I think objectively that he should have worshipped her anyhow, but she was his only reliable source of income. Not only did he fuck himself but he was a total douche about it. His one saving grace, his singular social skill is that he’s kind of charming in an ingratiating sort of way. Like my recently divorced spouse, that’s only a skill-set when you are young and pretty, and plays badly later in life.
If dude had left me a flying fuck to give I’d feel a little sorry for him. The thing is I covered all the moving costs, deposits, the lessening of stress on my daughter’s already full plate. I did it because I love my daughter, I don’t expect to get paid back, I didn’t even suggest it was a loan. Dude, who is driving around in a truck she bought him with a license she paid off all the unpaid tickets on (including driving with a suspended license) could not be arsed to drive the dogs over to her place nor allow her to pick them up until he got home in the evening. So I sat with the grandwhelp, I loaned my daughter the jeep for puppy transport.
I’m pretty sure those dogs had a shitty thanksgiving. For one thing they were starved; they even ate a couple of cheese and peanut butter crackers I had left from a pack sitting on my dash. They never do shit like that, the alpha beagle even gets a little car sick --- so, at bare minimum dude wasn’t feeding them much and there was no dog food at his place to pick up. For another thing they were damn happy to be in a place they had never been before with their real people. And they smelled like they had been sitting in their own shit, the leads had fecal matter on them too.
Dude is just a douche. On FB he’s been trying to garner sympathy and pick up chicks. This is just an outline of his douchebaggery. There is a pretty big inherent comeuppance though. He has to go through life being him. He seems incapable of learning from his mistakes. Everyone and everything else is to blame. Again, like my recent ex, that row gets harder and harder to hoe as each passing year hardens the soil of good will. In keeping with the analogy I’m sure he, they, blame the hoe. Hmmm, maybe not so analogous; they blame the ho. This vale of tears is difficult enough to navigate without riding high atop a rubbery squishy douche. I don’t have an answer for why bad things happen to good people, I’m not even sure what constitutes good and bad, I’m pretty sure I know why douchey things happen to douchebags. Nothing metaphysical, karmic, new age special FX spirituality, just plain old douche is as douche does and if it wobbles like a douche, if it squirts like a douche, if it acts like a douche, it must be a douche.
It’s entirely possible he is an asshole or a fuckwit or a dick. Today I am calling him a douchebag. I am taking my expletives one day at a time.
Daughter and thanksgiving. The seahag by getting a divorce attorney fucked up all sorts of benefits she was getting from me. The matrix that attorneys use cut seventy five percent from the support she was getting, kept her from my retirement account and all sorts of other things that were fair play and that her attorney actually drafted. In the decree she insisted that she get the kids on Christmas. Just because that was assholery I added the provision that I get them on thanksgiving. I did it at the insistence of my girlfriend at the time who was and likely still is much more vindictive than I. So it was signed. We did big things for thanksgiving and, as it turned out, the kids insisted on seeing me on Christmas so long about noon I had the kids on Christmas anyhow. That didn’t happen at thanksgiving, it might have if we didn’t go out of town, perhaps, the kids never once suggested they wanted to see their mom on thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving wound up making quite an impression on my daughter. I liked holidays when I was a kid; I liked them when my kids were young. All that family shit and magical fat guys sneaking down your chimney is for kids. Without them I don’t care much one way or the other, don’t get depressed around the holidays except the occasional coincidence where I’m depressed and it’s the holidays, but it’s not cause and effect. Kicking her out at thanksgiving alone means no forgiveness, even if he’d been helpful and kind about it. I think, however, she had a much better holiday without him tagging along. And I really do think his timing had a lot to do with getting out of going to Portland.
Shit, long rant, and, again, the merest outline of the rant in full orchestration.
Loading comments...