Good News/Bad News in Chunky giblets

Okay, here’s the bad news: My Samsung might well be dead. But here’s the good news: I still have that kick-ass Windows phone. But here’s the bad news: I can’t put music on it without Zune. But here’s the good news: It still fucking rules as an internet device. But here’s the bad news: It doesn’t like saving or uploading photos. But here’s the good news: I spent three hours snogging the face off this punk chick I met last night. But here’s the bad news: We didn’t fuck. But here’s the good news: We did just about everything else. But here’s the bad news: She turned out to be yet another in a long line of psychotic fucks that I seem to be attracted to. But here’s the good news: It was fun whilst it lasted. But here’s the bad news: She accused me of stealing her phone, her money and her drugs on three separate occasions last night. But here’s the good news: She found them each time. But here’s the bad news: She didn’t so much as apologise. But here’s the good news: Fuck that psycho twat. But here’s the bad news: Blue balls. But here’s the good news: I woke up with a tenner and bought some BEER. But here’s the bad news: I feel like shit and only got a few hours sleep last night. But here’s the good news: Some chick with enormous breasts randomly flashed me last night. But here’s the bad news: No way in Hell would she let me fuck her, and believe me, I tried. But here’s the good news: I’m still awesome. But here’s the bad news: I’m still homeless. But here’s the good news: I’m comfortable in my own Goddamn skin and I exhude confidence and panache. But here’s the bad news: It’s mostly a front, and I’m very fucking lonely. But here’s the good news: Fuck you, I’m Deadpool.