11:40 AM
This whole week has been terrible, I have been feeling very down and lonely. I posted a pic on another diary and it said “What is depression like? and the person responded Its like drowning but everyone around you can breathe.” I completely understand that because it is exactly what it feels like. I feel like I’m under the surface yet I can clearly see people around me acting out their life as normal with nothing wrong or not a care in the world. I have gotten lethargic and lazy the past few days because its gotten so bad. Dishes need to be done, trash needs taking out and I need a shower but I just don’t have it in me. I started smoking again to relieve some of the stress and depression and it helps a little.
Mom is still in the hospital and might get out tomorrow, my cat’s birthday is today, she is now 3 years old. I love my cat so much, she is the only one keeping me company at the moment. I feel so lonely, yesterday when I was playing with my best friend I was having a better day because I wasn’t alone but right now its as bad as it was before. I am being smothered by the darkness, helpless, hopeless etc. That’s all I can really think of to write right now.
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