15-08.06.129 in Book Two: The Fifteenth Year of the Third Millennium of the Common Era

Aside: Sometimes I wonder… there have been over 200 days in the year so far… I’m on entry #129 of this specific type of titling. Granted, I haven’t written every day as I would have intended… but it does seem like I’ve been ridiculously lax about titling entries as per a system. As with so many things that I do that differ from what I would have otherwise preferred… I wonder what that says about me.

ANYWAY
Looking ahead to tonight, tomorrow, and the weekend.

Today I received my impressive check from my Disney Stock. Yes… since Disney owns Marvel Comics, Star Wars, ESPN, ABC, and the Muppets… I do have stock. Don’t freak out… honestly, the way dividends and everything works… I don’t have much, it was a gift to begin with, and my impressive shareholder check was approximately $1.98

But that did make me think… since every little bit helps… I should take this opportunity to put some more money against my Law School loans. I mean… this may be fucked up thinking but… honestly… if this degree isn’t going to get me work, I certainly don’t want to keep paying for it forever. SO… while Wife still has a job (sub 30k… which is world’s different from the life I was accustomed to growing up… BUT I acknowledge is far better than others, so I am trying to adjust)… and while I’m “raking in” around $500 a month… I should absolutely 100% do everything in my power to keep that bitch of a compound interest from drowning us. So I go to log in to pay off some of the debt and… wait. What? SHIT Everything I had set up for all of the debt management was on my dead laptop. Balls, crap, damn. So, I will need to wait for Wife to return so we can tackle that together. While she may suck with emotions, affection, and conversation… she is a wizard with computers and money.

And my social meeting for the night was just cancelled because (silly man) the host forgot that his wedding anniversary is TOMORROW! Dude… seriously. Even I knew it was tomorrow, lol! So my night is “free”… I use the quotation marks appropriately as this alleged free evening will (or at least SHOULD) be spent applying to jobs. Not only because of the wonderful advice I received in my last entry but because I did officially hear back from Dallas County. They will not require my services. It is interesting because… while I wasn’t confident that I would get the job… I’ve known all week that this e-mail was coming. And, frankly, that is where a lot of my depression this week has stemmed. Because… while I technically didn’t lose anything by not getting this job… my capacity for hope took a BIG hit. I’ve applied and interviewed for jobs all across Iowa and I’ve interviewed for jobs that, honestly, I wouldn’t have wanted to do ever. But I figured all of it was leading to something. Then the Dallas County job comes up out of nowhere. The perfect location, the perfect office and they work the interviews so that I don’t have to miss any family time! It all seemed like things were coming together. And then they didn’t. And that’s life. BUT… the universe has a certain musicality to it… and this really felt like a crescendo. Instead… it sort of petered out at the end. I know musically (and spiritually) that means that the next movement of the piece will have wonderful tones of dramatic influence and crescendos of its own but… I’m a cellist. We get excited when we think we’re allowed to do something important :p (Admittedly, some of the musical vibe comes from the television show Angel, Season 2 Episode 13 “Happy Anniversary”)

So… applications. And… cooking meatloaf at some point. And the ever increasing drudgery of video games. But… hopefully, some walks. And maybe a phone call to my parents. And some reading. And going to the apartment office and telling them to (finally) deal with this g@d damn fruit fly/cockroach problem. So… maybe an interlude. Because I think that’s been one of my (numerous) issues that have been getting to me lately. Life is so… predictable… in bad ways. Shitty hours at a part time job that could be performed by anyone even remotely literate. Routine at home in bad ways. And no job prospects offering a hope of moving into a better situation… going home, making enough money to live (not just survive), and start growing as people.