Happy Independence Day in Normal entries

Happy Independence day you Americans. Don’t lose a finger blowing shit up or singe an eyebrow squirting flammable shit on briquettes. I know, you already know that, and yet it’s going to happen. Even bad beer, pisswater, 3.2 domestic swill, impairs judgement if you drink enough. As police state as it sounds, traffic cops have a point regarding you and operating heavy machinery. Same goes for fireworks and bar b ques. That said I have que’d and ‘cracked, ok, fir’cracked, stumbling drunk and have all the digits I was born with and yes I did lose my eyebrows once, but, I was paid for it.

There was this guy who used to come along with the cops to talk to students in the Portland public schools, he had two arms but one of them was in a box. He was part of the just say no to drugs public speech. You know that argument that PTA’s come up with all over the country about how handing out free condoms make perfectly chaste kids wanna fuck? Stupid as that is I think if has any merit it applies to showing third graders an arm in a box and telling them shit they know isn’t true. I mean they have siblings or parents or uncles who smoke the reefer and don’t jump off of buildings.

I’d even give a nod to the PTA on the whole condom though I don’t think there’s a perfectly chaste teenager in the world who doesn’t want to fuck. Sure there might be repressed ones who aren’t a’gonna, but that’s a far cry from don’t wanna. I’d take my kid to doctor if he she was fifteen and didn’t wanna. I can’t remember thinking about anything else at that age. Even genitals in a box would not have deterred me. I sure would listen to the story though.

In fact if I were in charge of propaganda every misdeed I was trying to scare teenagers with would have genitals in a box attached to it. Copyright violation? This poor sonofabitch got his dick stuck in a DVD burner. Jay Walking? Motorcycle clipped this poor bastards nuts. Lacey training bra? Cut off the circulation to the tits, they went gangrene and sloughed off. Buy movies/songs, cross at the light, wear thick white cotton training bras. Happy independence.

I remember when the American identity was fiercely independent, we all thought we were pioneers. I mean I remember it right up until somewhere between 95 and double ought. Now it’s more like selfish than independent, entitled than can do, the roar is more of a moo. I guess I could expand, it’s just an opinion. You already share it or condemn it and quite possibly think I only have it cause I’m an old fart and old farts always bitch about how things used to make sense and now … I’m willing to entertain the notion that sense is very subjective.

Happy Independence. We love it so much we’ve been blowing up Iraq to give them folks independence. Just last month we added one more camp and five hundred troops to help train Iraqi’s to be independent. I think that brings it up to five, plus other troops just loitering in different places. 13 fucking years, 12 if you don’t count the year looking for the mythical WMD’s. Are they stupid? Do they hate independence? Or, is that story missing a chapter or two?

I am not trying to be a bummer. I am not writing some cynical left wing nut thing about a national holiday, I’m a fucking patriot. Happy Independence day America. In 1976 there were a number of domestic radical groups with really cool rhetoric about how it was time for another American revolution. They had all sorts of comparisons with taxes and tyranny and shit. Trouble was the two presidents that spanned the year were Ford and Carter. The country honestly thought those poor guys needed a short bus to take them to Air Force one. The first a clumsy Jock the second an aww shucks ma’am peckerwood. Not fair, but, hardly the face of evil. Nationally we thought they were a’tarded not malicious. Grand Rapids re-named the part of the east/west highway that runs through there Gerald Ford, um, hwy maybe, perhaps blvd, I haven’t been to Grand Rapids in a while.

Though there is greater cause for it these days, nobody is talking about revolution. Obama has really low public trust ratings, but I think most folks would think revolution talk would sound kind of racist. A lot of folks who vote have no idea what chaos a war or a revolution is, but the idea that candidate was in one stirs them up. Of all the shitty things GW Bush did, the most damaging one, the one that stuck, was the whole National Guard business. Oh, and the photo op was him landing on the battle cruiser and addressing the troops. He had green shit on and a brain bucket. Hoo-ra.

Happy Independence day, y’all.