So amidst the shabby polite squalor of what used to be east lansing, I found a store, the type of which needs shabby squalor to as ambience, the kind that used to litter the bohemian neighborhood of SE Hawthorne in Portland before the gentry claimed it; a used video/game/doo-dad and widget store. And yes, there is an overweight bearded guy who wears t-shirts with super-heros, and a skinny weird long hair guy going gray at the frizzy ends and pierced in places that, were he clean shaven, would seem painful and unattractive, and yes, they love their product. And, mostly, fuck you very much, they are my people. If they had vinyl too I’d volunteer to intern (that’s a bearded lie; they do have vinyl).
I don’t have a set patter, no single thing to test authenticity, but I did ask a question designed for just that purpose. I mean it’s not the sort of thing I’ve used before or will again, I mean the noun, the question is universal and works anywhere. I picked up a blu ray copy of Abraham Lincoln Vampire Slayer and I asked the friendly ruebenesque fellow “Is this as stupid as it sounds?” He gave the answer where if I were recruiting for a think tank I would have hired him “I kind of liked it, sure, it’s cheesy, it’s pretty faithful to the book. You know the book didn’t get a fair shot it came out at the same time as world war Z and Zombie apocalypse survival guide, but, yeah, it’s worth seeing, you know, not great, but not camp for camps sake.”
If he had peppered his speech with a few self-depreciating stammers and maybe a verbal tick like ‘like’ or ‘you know’ or ‘grunt fuck arghh’ I would have blessed his child bearing hips and ask to buy the establishment. I think the place is ultimately doomed, but I am under the impression that East Lansing is being sabotaged by it’s own city council and is either planning on turning the ruins into a Casino, a monte carlo go cart track and arcade, or selling it to evil doers who will, um, do evil I guess?
Is it monte carlo or monte cristo? I know one is a sandwich/ revenge novel, but the other, casino or race track? Doesn’t matter. I am powerless over my addiction. Give me a used entertainment store and type cast the employees and if I only have as many videos as I can carry I haven’t enough. Sure, that sounds silly, I made it sound silly, but it’s true. Though I am not literally a motherfucker, figuratively I am one compulsive motherfucker. And it’s not like I haven’t seen everything. Twice.
I keep meaning to look up the word degenerate. I think it’s only descriptive of a compulsive gambler. Oh. I could do that now. Oh, it pretty much means what I thought it did, not exclusive to gambling at all; being bereft of moral and desirable qualities. Hmmmm, I know a lot of places where lacking moral qualities is a desirable quality. Your average tavern at 159 am for instance. Or noon I suppose.
Ok. I’m spent. Hi! Carry on.
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