10 Quick Things! in These Foolish Things

I have been saving an entry on China thinking it would be the first thing I write when I get back. I’ve been back three weeks now. I keep stalling on the entry (there’s LOTS) and there’s so many things to write about since then, so here.

I finally let go of the Bulldog – mind/body/spirit

And then, somehow (heh..nervous laugh) I had sex with him not once, but twice over the holiday weekend. Of course, it was with the intention of having an “itch” scratched, but when, during last night’s naughty-fest, my dog found a single sparkly, dangly earring (not mine) and jumped up on the bed with it in her mouth, I kinda got that what-the-fuck-am-I-doing-here feeling.

I still have some kind of weird left over jetlag or something, and I fell asleep at strange times (early evening, each night) during the long weekend. Made for a bit of a depressing 4th of July.

I “celebrated” the night of the 4th with a male, newly single co-worker. It had the makings of a fun evening: we were going to salsa dance the evening away with Best Bud and her husband. BB and hubby were unable to make it, so it turned out just me and Male Co-Worker (MC for short) at a place that turned out to be a bust. The music was too loud for us to even have much of a conversation, and the crowd was not into it. We talked about work, and that was depressing, so I asked for a change of subject and venue and we headed to my little neighborhood bar (we’d already missed fireworks). It was dead in there, so we asked special permission to go up on the rooftop. The manager got the head of security to take us up for a drink and that was cool, but after we came back down and were leaving, MC wanted to “thank” the manager, and I saw him grease the wrong guy’s palm. MC is a handsome, smooth talker and mover…to the point of being slimy (I‘d never really thought this way about him before – except for the fact that he’s a salesman, but he was touching me and close-talking and…ug). And the palm-greasing was one thing, but to get the wrong guy was unsettling to me for some reason. I couldn’t get home fast enough. The only thing good was that he refused to let me pay for anything, but then again, kinda weird considering this was NOT a date.

For a while, BIL (the billionaire Tinder date with the possible girlfriend) was texting me and sending me FB messages about how he can’t wait to see me again. I felt okay with this in that we had agreed to get to know each other a little better to build up that trust or whatever. He very much seemed to want to keep in touch and then [poof], nothing.

But his friend, Dave, who was at dinner with BIL and I the night we met ended up contacting me last week with the intention of asking me out. It was a very uncomfortable conversation, even though I’m very curious about him, it’s still weird simply by the fact that…I went out with your friend! We agreed to touch base last weekend, but I ended up blowing him off and haven’t heard anything from him since.

I have been working on cleaning out my storage unit for three weeks now. Finally got my apartment back into a state of somewhat normalcy over the long weekend. What a trip down memory lane that was! I found old photos and letters and mementos and vintage clothing and…SO MUCH STUFF I’d forgotten about! I posted a couple of things on FB, but something I found very curious was the goldmine of old love letters I found. I didn’t read them all, but they were from various old boyfriends and lovers. The most shocking thing about them was the sheer number of apology letters in those boxes! So many of the same messages… “I’m sorry I treated you so poorly when we were together. Please forgive me and give me another chance. I made the biggest mistake of my life. I love you.” So, so sad to read these letters and to realize that I’ve let so many people treat me badly only for them to see this after the fact. So very telling. So much to think about. So far yet to go.

I need new clothes and I need new makeup and I need a new body.

I am going to Napa this weekend on a girls’ trip! I’m super excited and it’s going to be like therapy, I just know it!