I’m sorry that I’m sending this via email, but it’s only because we tend to go off on tangents when we talk and I have a hard time getting my point across sometimes.
I’ll put it to you in the simplest way I know how: hearing the words “you make me feel weird” and “it’s bad timing” are not things one wants to hear with much frequency from the person with whom they are in love . I’ve heard them from you almost every time we talk about whatever this thing is that we’ve been doing.
I spent a large chunk of yesterday poring over old journal entries about the guy who came into my life during a BAD TIME. He was absolutely one of the most wonderful people I’ve ever known and I was and still am thankful for and in awe of the time we spent together.
You probably know where this is going - I think I told you, but it took me reading back to remember how it really happened.
The problem was the dynamic of our relationship. It was one of me crying on his shoulder and him handing me a tissue. Over and over. That’s all we were and I guess all we were meant to be for each other.
The chemistry was never right - at least not on my end. I was never going to fall for him no matter what he did.
Yet, he thought I’d come around! He thought I’d finally see what was right in front of my face when the time came that I was ready to have a relationship again. He just knew that if he was the person who was there all along, he’d be the one.
Of course, we had a falling out - actually, there were a few fallings out because we couldn’t just let each other go.
But in the end, he walked away mad and I walked away feeling guilty for what I let him believe, regardless of how many times I verbalized that it wasn’t meant to be.
Friday night, when things got weird, I said I don’t want to be that person, but it’s clear that I already am. You’ve been very upfront with your words, but your actions made me believe you just might come around.
What goes around, comes around, I guess.
Karma, indeed.
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