This morning I was going to do something for myself… instead I wandered around the city, walked from my place to downtown and then back… there’s this festering hurt inside me right now and I can’t be rid of it. I have good days and then I have days like today where I feel like crying all day long… I’m so lonely and yet with this horrible hollow feeling I don’t want to try and let anyone else in. I don’t want to make more connections with others because they’ll just hurt me like everyone else. The people I thought would always be there for me aren’t anymore. I have two solid rocks in my life, my husband whom doesn’t understand grieving because he’s never had a strong relationship with anyone, nor has he lost anyone. Then there’s Damian, he lost his Opi the day after I did but wasn’t as close, his grandfather lives 8 hours away and if he saw him once a year that was it… not every 2 weeks like I did. Not twice a day in the end like I did… not hours on end sitting beside him watching him deteriorate for nearly 3 months.
Today will be over soon and hopefully tomorrow I wake up feeling better.
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