Oh Em Gee, he's doing it again in Normal entries

Bad things happening in my head. Um, bad as in things that aren’t supposed to happen, not morally abhorrent or Bad Ass. It’s ok, it’s only life or some reasonable facsimile thereof. Those of you mad enough to have been reading my shit for a decade or so have seen me type ‘… or a reasonable facsimile thereof …’ with some frequency, maybe averaging twice to three times a year. Oh, mad as in crazy not angry. I did not drink often during my formative years, I don’t drink often now and I didn’t drink often in-between then and now. I appreciate fine scotch, I’ve probably written about scotch and bourbon about as often as I partake, twice maybe ten times a year. Oh, yeah, anyhow, the first hard liquor I drank on purpose as a delinquent, and yes, of course there was a girl involved, was Kesslers. It used to have a signature on it and underneath the signature it said John Kesslers signature or a reasonable facsimile thereof. I’m doing this from memory, so, you know, it might not be precise. The phrase is. For all I know the Kesslers bottle still says that, I don’t know, I don’t drink that stuff.

Another thing I type once or twice a year is ‘… look to the rock whence thou wert hewn …’ I don’t think that came from a whiskey bottle. I think it was a textbook about Scottish archaeology, and so it is possible that Scotch was involved peripherally. It’s the only thing I remember from that text book. Hewn is a fucking cool word, hard to work into conversation though.

For some reason I’ve been seeing and hearing a lot of sound/word bites about what being a man is or what it takes or what it means (no offense to a noter here who was trying to be funny, pardon me, he likely succeeded, carbon monoxide, right?).

At the risk of being practical and attempting a classic type of humor derived from the stoic and the practical, here is Haredawgs take on what it takes to be a man

1. A penis.

See, the reason that’s funny is that most of the sound/word bites are trying to relate the gender to qualities that are desirable and mature and valuable to the community. As far as the species goes a penis is the only valuable answer, it’s half the recipe of propagation. Oops, um, spoiler alert? Even so there are some big motherfuckers out there with low sperm count that you are best off not challenging their machismo or reasonable facsimile thereof or you’ll get bounced off the rock whence thou wert hewn.

The whole concept of codes of honor and shit is a bit like the whole concept of religion; all the words seem nice but someone winds up getting bit, or, you know, worse. I’d probably go into more churchs and get into more pissing matches if there were a sign on the mantle that read No Biting. Again, no offense, but even Jesus with his peace and love stuff and words in red never actually said No Biting. Buddhists wouldn’t even consider a No Biting rule, not because they like to bite but, well, there isn’t anything in any Buddhist text I’ve read that says No Biting. Those are just two examples because there’s a lot of members in both those gangs. Anyone who knows of a religion that is specifically pro or anti biting (not just implied, hell, Christianity and Buddhism have no biting implied).

Wait, what? I’m just saying codes of honor schmodes of schmonor. The only code of honor I know that says no biting is the Marquis of Queensbury’s rules for beating one another senseless in a gentlemanly fashion. It’s a real sport. Amateurs try. No one bites. Queensbury doesn’t get anywhere enough credit, Don King does for some reason. It’s hard to be very macho with Queen Berries.

Did I mention exposure to carbon monoxicide. Ok, well, go back to whatever I was doing because I probably won’t. I forget where or what or whom it was. And I’m spent.