week 3 in --

Of the kids being sick. They keep catching things. They both have runny noses and lots of clear snot.

Everyone in my house is sick but me. A small miracle. If I get sick, everything would still have to go on as normal because no one will take over my duties.

I’m really resenting the double standards that come with being a mother.

Last weekend Jacob spent Saturday judging a debate tournament and this weekend he is going hunting. I repeatedly tell him that I’m worn out and really need some rest time or some kind of break… And I feel ignored, my needs pushed to the side again.

Of course this is my fault and I “never do anything to change it” so that’s cool.

He doesn’t seem to get that the outings I take the kids on are still exhausting and a lot of work. Last Monday I took thd kids to a place with a friend. Tomorrow I am driving for an hour to meet up with a couple of moms and their kids. This honestly doesn’t help me. It’s more for my kids than for myself. I don’t remember the last time I did something with other adults that didn’t involve children.

I also don’t remember the last time Jacob and I had sex. I guess I don’t have to worry about getting pregnant again before I start student teaching.

I feel bitter a lot and I really want to change it. I hate being this way. I just wish I could change it, but I’m feeling very stuck.