i think. that maybe i'm ready to get back out there. in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.

so I was reading over the entries about when my ex I were together back in 20...........12 2012 I mean. I was um 24. he was 27 apparently. i’m the same age now he was when we met. and he’s.................30 he’ll be 31 this aug. I haven’t contacted him in a yr. and...............a half. and. a month. oh so almost 2 yrs.
yeah and. and I’ve realised this before. I love my world. like even if it sucks sometimes and my entries aren’t happy. idinno. I love it. I like reading over entries and being there again. nostalgia’s a wonderful thing.
I’ve changed since then in some ways. i. now when i get sick i know why. and now it’s like i get sick a lot. i understand it more. i have more freedom in a way than i did when i was w/ my ex. um.
I haven’t dated since we broke up. well I mean evan and I’ve gone on a couple dates. but. we’re on that line between friends and more and I like where we’re at. not that people wouldn’t be interested I just. ever since I moved out of my place I’ve not been dating. I’ve not found anyone who is interested. and I also haven’t tried, so. i’m also not ready. by which I mean. I don’t think i’m ready for a full on relationship yet. now. I like dating I just. relationships are hard. no wait nvrm. after the breakup this guy alex and I we went on a few dates. and then at some point I went home w/ this other guy i’d met at milo’s. nothing really happened. well I got really drunk but that’s it. that’s back when i was living at my place. I know alex from my bar and last time I got at him he, was a jerk, so. but I mean other than that I’ve not dated.
no but I. I miss being someone’s. ya know? I miss having someone to take care of. and having someone take care of me. I won’t let others take care of me cause if I were to do that it’d be annoying. but i’d let like. a really good friend do it. but I also. don’t like having to explain myself to new people I feel like everyone should just already know things about me. well I guess at one point in time evan was new too. I miss. physicality. and intimacy makes me ache seeing it on tv on movies. it has for awhile. i’m a really physical person actually I just. other than hugs I don’t show it much.
I don’t know when i’m going to get back out there but I think. maybe i’m ready to. go on a few dates see what happens. or maybe not maybe this is me being impulsive. and not thinking it through. as usual led by my emotions.