So. I told Ian I didn’t want to see him anymore because I couldn’t cope with being his holiday from life.
That lasted three days.
Then he went back to pretending nothing has happened. I feel myself disassociating from the entire relationship now because it’s the only thing I have left in my arsenal.He has been communicating more, and asked me to come with him to see his exwife and sort out some paperwork (I did not go in to see her but went grocery shopping instead then came back to pick him up) and afterwards he shared some information about his daughter and how smart she is and how she’s going to start an early learning class because she is demonstrating academic ability two years ahead of her peers.
Then yesterday he showed me some photos he had of her and has “had for a while” and that was it. I end up crying and asking him not to show me pictures of her anymore because it just drives the nail in deeper.
I’d rather just think of the situation as nothing to do with me whatsoever until he gets his shit together and makes her part of his life properly.. and then we can all be a part of eachothers lives like a proper relationship instead of a holiday relationship.
Meanwhile, increasing concern over Storey being her father’s blatantly favourite child, and although they both swung off his hills hoist last weekend, Blair was the only one who suffered a consequence when it fell over. One of which being told buying a new clothes line cost more than she is worth.
I cried so much and called my mum. I’m crying now. How can a person say that to an eight year old? To their daughter no matter what age they are?
Today I dropped Blair’s full winter uniform to her at school as she is participating in the ANZAC day march tomorrow. I remarked that her hair was the same as I did it yesterday… and she says that she slept with it that way and slept in her school clothes as well so that dad didn’t have to do it in the morning.
I just… my heart is breaking. Again.
If Storey were marching tomorrow, Nathan would take her. But because it is Blair he won’t.
What are my options? Just to love them both as hard as I can?
-SP
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