March 22* in These Foolish Things

Well, I just slammed my finger in the car door, so we’ll see how this entry goes. Hurts like a motherfucker.

Interesting day. Started out really blue, of course. And I feel like I’m ending on a blue note as well. I just miss the Bulldog and have been thinking about those few times when he really, really tried. I know that it was an effort for him in various ways:

• he tried “no complaining” for a while, but it didn’t last

• he took me out on some dates that were pure bliss and magical

• he even tried to do the affectionate thing, even though he was rarely affectionate with me (except, of course, during sex - he was a different person in bed. It really blew my mind)

• he tried to up his communication during the day with me a couple of times. See, I like little texts throughout the day. Not constant contact, mind you, but just little thinking-about-yous, and even though he works from home and has a lot of spare time to do this, he’d go the whole day most days without even a hi.

All of this goes against his true nature (I’m guessing here. I mean, at least his true nature with me), because those times of sweet affection and lovey-doveyness were so rare. And that is what I was craving from him. I don’t know why.

See, he’d complement me a lot. He’d tell me I’m great and a wonderful person. But then he’d point it out, saying things like, “I tell you you’re great all the time.”

It was uncomfortable and unsettling, like he had to point these things out to me. It felt like a child saying, “See? I did good!”

And I will tell you something else. Yes, I did crave all of that affection from him, but I didn’t initiate any of it because it’s absolutely not my nature to take a guy’s hand or get all huggy and kissy unless I know that he will welcome it. With the BD I don’t think he would have. I tested this theory a few times and he never took the bait, so…

Bottom line, I care about him and I miss him. I think we could have had something, but we didn’t. I was so chemically attracted to him. Maybe that’s what kills me about the whole thing. He turned me on to no end.

Regardless, here I am again, typing all of this out.

I’m also still doing the Tinder thing. Men are pretty easy to meet on that ap. So meeting and greeting I’m doing. Is it wrong? Is it unfair to guys I’m meeting? I’m single, after all. Ready? Eh. Not sure. But I’m throwing myself back in for whatever reason.

Here’s today’s RAD.

Name: SB

Age: 59

Status: Divorced twice. He told me the very quick version and I didn’t catch it all. Also, had lived with a woman for 6 years and broke it off a while ago. Apparently, there’s some lingering stuff going on. She’s a big wig in town. So’s he.

Job: Senior VP for advertising agency

Lives: Just bought a Mid-Century Modern house close to my downtown place.

Length of Date: 3.5 hours

He Looked: Nice. Older. Maybe a little gay-ish? Was coming from workout/training (iron man competition training). Wearing athletic wear on top, but jeans and running shoes. Clearly he’d cleaned up (very nicely). In fantastic athletic shape! Like, way better than me!

I Looked: It was a lovely day, so I wore a long tie-dye skirt and embellished sandals, tank top covered with vintage denim jacket.

Martini Looked: Well, naked because it was warm out! I brought her in her basket and she was happy to meet SB as well. Good sign.

We Did: Well, I was meeting him for coffee, and the place we went said they were dog-friendly, but turned out they weren’t. The patio was too crowded (nice day, remember?), so we went next door and had a super lite brunch. No booze. I ate fruit. Martini was a little restless, but all in all VERY good. Afterwards, he asked if Martini and I wanted to go for a walk. He said he could drive us to the park, but I opted out (after saying yes first but then realized that I don’t know this guy from Adam and it would be more convenient to take separate cars). I met him at the park and then we walked the trail and who should we run into but my walking buddy, [Athena] and her friend! Introductions all around. All good!

First Impression: Seems a tad too old, maybe? Super-duper dry wit that I originally confused for negativity, but soon discovered a dry wit that was very smart and thought-provoking. Still, a very serious man. A very successful man. Big wig at ad agency, also has a side business in photography that is hanging in galleries in the design district, AND his family has a charity that sends kids to college, AND he runs in iron man competitions. His last girlfriend was an IT girl in this city, though I have yet to figure out who she is. I should be googling. Actually, I should be working, but I’m too tired.

High Point: The Walk and Talk. Impressive accomplishments made me happy. His willingness to talk about where we both are in regards to relationships. He was nice and in a very good place. And complementary (said I look better than my pictures).

Low Point: Lacking chemistry, but never say never

He Stipulated: Nothing. He was laid back and very accommodating with the dog.

I Stipulated: I’m bringing my dog to our first meeting.

How It Ended: Walked for freaking EVER! We missed our turn off and had to turn around. During that part of the walk, I told him about the not drinking and stuff and he asked me out for the end of my prohibition! Invited me to a very nice dinner and to check out a swank, tiny new bar in town. I agreed. He walked Martini and me to my car, gave me his number, we waved and said see ya!

Chances Are: I’ll see him on April Fools Day.

The dog and I are super tuckered out. She’s already asleep next to me. I’m going to do the same. It’s going to be a fucking long week.

Hope your weekend was fantastic!
Love,
GS

• EDIT! - Today was a 6. Getting better. Sort of.