“You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. I have loved none but you.”- Jane Austen
For the past two days, I’ve had a lump in my throat. I just want to have a good cry. Oh I’ve shed some tears, but for the most part I’ve been putting up a brave front. Acting stronger than I feel. That Jane Austen quote says it perfectly… I am half hope, half agony. Perhaps the reason I’m keeping it together is because I have hope. This is not the end for us, I know that. Neither of us is giving up. I feel a very strong connection to him, like he is still close to me.
I keep telling myself I’m doing the right thing but this is hard. I’m conflicted. I know that I needed to do this for my own good. The timing felt wrong. But how long can I be without him? I’m a wreck with or without him. The rational side of me insists some things be settled/change before he and I can be together… the emotional side of me wants to say screw it and run back to him. Sigh… why does it have to be so hard?!
I’m going to give it a bit more time because it’s the right thing to do. But I don’t want to live without him that I do know.
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