Cramming It All In Tuesday, March 13, 2007
I am an entry whore right now. I am trying to get everything out that I need to. I am not sure when I will have internet again after March 31. I hope I can afford it. However, I don't want to take any chances so I am not signing up for internet until I know I can afford it.
My Grandmother (Dad's mom) passed away today at 7:30am. I should be sad, but I am not. I wasn't that close to her. I wish I was, but I just wasn't. I loved her. However, I never went to see her. I never even sent her a Christmas card. I wish I had. I had plans to start, but I never did. Actually, this year I did send her one. I just wish I would have known her better. I wish I could have went to see her. I just didn't feel comfortable doing it. I don't know why. I have a problem speaking with people much older than me. No idea why. I have always been like that. I probably always will be. I dunno. It's me. That's who I am. I am going to miss her. I may cry at the funeral. I dunno. I feel nothing. It's sad. I wish I could feel something. I just don't. I am sure it will change at the funeral.
I have a meeting with the Priest at the church I want to join. The meeting is on Thursday. This is going to be a hard meeting. I want to join this Catholic church but things in my life haven't always gone smoothly. I want more than anything to be forgiven, accepted, and part of a church. I feel comfortable at this church. With all the good things happening in my life right now I can't help but believe that God has been there every step of the way helping me along. Helping me to find my way back to church after 13 years of making myself believe that He doesn't exsist because it's easier. It's so much easier believing there is no God and that being a sinner doesn't have consequences. The greatest trick the Devil ever played was making me believe he didn't exsist. I am ready to be a better person.
I have to take a 5 hour glucose test. I have to fast for 12 hours then have my blood drawn every hour for 5 hours. I am having huge problems with my stomach. Everything I eat is going right through me with out having time for my body to absorb anything. So with out being too discusting: I am pooping water and basically water only. It's painful. VERY. They are testing me for many things. All I know is that I can't live like this. Three days on, three days off. That's what it equals. The pain is so bad I cry while trying to pass what I just ate. The pain goes all they way through to my back. It feels like both of my kidneys are going to explode. I have to see a specialist soon too. That is NOT going to be fun. However, with the pain I am going through I don't care what they do to me if they can make the pain stop. Pray that there is some sort of cure.
Ok, that's tonight's entry. Sorry it ended so crappy. HAHAHAHAHA Damn I am funny.
Her
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I am sorry for your loss. I know even when we arent close its hard to see your family in their state of mourning.
I hope they are able to find out what is wrong. Hopefully its just an intestinal virus. Did you eat some bad peanut butter? That would be a nice lawsuit!
Good luck with the church and the testing. Its time for everything to go right for you this year. [muted exposure]
3/14/2007 7:32:53 AM
Ew - that sounds terrible! I hope the doctors figure it out. [kluv] 3/14/2007 9:52:36 AM
RYN: Thanks you're very sweet. As for giving up, I don't have that luxury lol. That's part of what is piss*ing me off. [Pickled Duck Lips] [p] 3/14/2007 10:44:25 PM
sorry to her about your grandmothers death.
wow, i hope your medical problems improve...it sounds really painful and uncomfortable. has this been happening long? [lostonthesea] 3/21/2007 11:14:09 PM
Notes on this entry: 4
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