My Brother Tuesday, January 09, 2007
I never knew how much I needed my brother Shawn in my life. It wasn't until 2 days before Christmas that I really truly understood how important he is to me.
It was raining on December 23rd. I was on my break from work. That is when my car window on my driver’s side decided to go down inside my door and not come back up. I called every shop in the area only to find out that finding an open car shop on a Saturday was impossible. Being that it was Christmas on Monday that meant no car window for me until Tuesday. This was problematic for me in many ways. First, I live in an apartment complex. Leaving your window down in an apartment complex is like saying, "Hello criminals! This car is ready for the taking! Take whatever you need." Second, leaving my window down for 3 days and having rain dance upon my leather interior. Third it meant, driving an hour at 70 miles per hour in the rain and cold to my parents house for Christmas. Fourth it meant, $390.00 to fix it. So in a panic of tears, I called Shawn. He was so happy to hear from me that he told me to bring it to him and he'd fix it. I was so upset that when he told me he'd fix it I was immediately relieved. It was like a weight was lifted off of me.
My brother and I have never really been that close. He is 8 years older than me so we never were into the same things. I never really got to know him all that well when we all lived at home. I am a lucky girl. I was born and raised in a family that never made me have to experience divorce and half brothers/sisters. We are a very strong family that gets along really well. Sure, there was fighting when we were all living at home, but by the time I was 10 years old my brother was living on his own. Shawn and I never got too close. A lot of that has to do with when I was 12 years old and he was in a car accident that left him in a coma for 6 days. When he woke up he didn't even know who I was. It was incredibly hard because I wanted to be just like him when I grew up. I wanted to fix cars, learn how to re-wire electronics, and play my music really loud. So when I was 12 him and I lost almost everything. About 2 months before his accident he had taught me how to play Fur Elise on the piano. About 6 months after his accident, I had to teach him. Inside it killed me. I had a really hard time accepting that he was now being taught how to walk, talk, play the piano, and eat and he was 8 years older than me. I didn't understand how my hero, the man I was going to be just like, could no longer walk and half the time mixed me up with my sister.
They were hard times. When he came out of his coma he knew nothing and no one. He was like a scared puppy that didn't know anything or anyone so he acted out in anger. I pretty much shut him out of my life. As time went on he grew in strength and he began to remember everyone. He recovered mostly. He went from being paralyzed on his left side to only being a tad bit week. He can't really run correctly now, but that's mostly because one side of his body is stronger than the other. It doesn't stop him though. He keeps on trying. He keeps on fighting.
A couple of years ago Shawn was diagnosed with Non Hodgkins Lymphoma. Cancer. This hasn't stopped him either. It's spread through his entire body. The cancer, that is. It's going to kill him, according to the doctors. However, the doctors also said he'd never wake up from the coma.
I love my brother so much. He always says I am his favorite sister. I don't know why. I didn't do anything to deserve it. I love him so much. I don't know what I will do if the cancer wins. He's only 39 years old. All I know is I am glad my window broke. If it hadn't I would still not be very close to him. I wouldn't even know how to get to his house.
It's funny. At age 12 I had lost a hero. I had lost faith in my brother. Then at age 31 I realized just how much I would love to be just like him again. He's strong. He is loving. He's caring. He never gives up. He proves doctors wrong. He can go from paralyzed to walking. He can go from complete memory loss to total recognition. He can wake up from a coma and say, "I don't want to die," go back to his coma, and wake up 3 days later. He can live in complete determination of living, even though he's dying. He can fix a car and re-wire electronics.
Yeah. I still want to be just like him when I grow up.
Her
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this made me cry.
and it's probably the most beautiful entry i've read in months. [ephemera] [p]
1/9/2007 10:56:57 PM
that is beautiful..i think you should give this to him. [muted exposure] 1/9/2007 11:09:18 PM
Wow, really... It's a life well lived. [lostouthere] 1/9/2007 11:14:22 PM
What a nice tribute to your brother. I lost one of my brothers in 2001. Bless you [Mistie] 1/9/2007 11:55:26 PM
[OddJohn] 1/10/2007 8:39:08 AM
Lovely entry. Your brother sounds great. I hope the doctors are wrong and he gets better. [lostonthesea]
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