I want to say the confession was sudden -no that’s not it. I want to say their love was sprung suddenly. That it was the kind of experience you read about in cheap eight dollar novels you pick up at your local Walmart to kill time in-between your favorite author’s book releases. I wanted to believe it was pulled from thin air and entirely unfounded. After all they knew nothing about me, not really.
I started reading their diary about ten years ago on a little site called Open Diary. I never really said anything to them, and we didn’t even live in the same state so how they knew I even existed I still to this day don’t know. For the longest time I thought I was reading some stranger spilling out their inner most secrets, about unrequited love to the online masses. The person they talked about seemed exotic and lovely.
I remember thinking about this person they described and not once realizing it was me of whom they were speaking. I look in the mirror and see unkempt brunette hair and murky green blue eyes that can never decide to which color to commit. All pale skin and sharp features, highlighted by an always tired, always skeptical expression. I never thought of myself as beautiful or witty, but now I guess I can see it. Or I can see how someone else could appreciate some of what I have to offer.
None of that really matters anymore. I mean it was inevitable wasn’t it? That I would somehow stumble down upon this unknown path myself. That such a love could never be requited. After all I didn’t see them how they saw me. I didn’t see love how they saw it. I’m not even sure I believe in love, do you? Even if I believed in it I don’t think it’s something a person like me will chance to experience.
I’m such an introvert, I can’t talk to anyone face to face. I live a life of solitude and quite honestly this will probably be my only outlet. It’s not that I mind exactly, but there is something about loneliness that makes you reflect. It makes you reflect on the past, and wonder about the future. It makes you look for a way to relieve the boredom of being boring. I guess that’s how I ended up cursed to begin with. I guess that’s how they ended up cursed to begin with.
Yours Truly, Anon
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