Rainy, depressing Sunday.
Day 8 of no drinking, and it’s been pretty easy, other than the grumpiness. I don’t know if I’m seeing things more clearly or not, but it’s been ok - though I’ve been a total sassy pants with a side of pfffttth. There are times when I’d just like to pop a bottle of bubbly or drink a glass of the Bulldog’s family wine - especially when I’m hanging out at the Bulldog’s house and he’s making dinner while I sit there and watch. Still, I haven’t missed booze as much as I thought I would. I can do this.
Now I just have to start really dieting and catching up on my workout routine. I’ve been really bad with the working out, though yesterday was nice and I walked nearly 18,000 steps and ate very little.
I’ve been tired all the time. I’m sure it has to do with the business travel I’ve had in the last couple of weeks and the stress of prepping for big meetings as well as the trade show. But even though I’m not drinking, I wake up bleary-eyed every day. Perhaps it just takes some more time.
I just caught up with an old friend and business colleague over the phone. We talked for over an hour about new business opportunities and we reminisced quite a bit about old times when we worked together. Man, we really thought times were tough back then. Looking back, we were like rock stars, traveling on corporate jets and being sent to various locations such as Brussels, Barcelona, Stockholm, Hong Kong, Tokyo, etc.
Later
It’s evening.
I had a rough afternoon.
First of all, I’m trying to reorganize my closet after SexyPants loaded my car up with aaaaallll the stuff that I’d left at his house. He threw everything in trash bags and a few weeks ago when I had an eye appointment close to his place, he asked me to come to his place so he could give me all my stuff back. Yeah. It was a lot of stuff.
I wasn’t ready to deal with it, so I had piled everything up in my closet and it was driving me INSANE, so I decided to tackle a bit of it today.
Made me sad. On top of the gloomy depression.
While I worked, I started listening to music, and I have a playlist called “Breakup”, which is probably the worst thing to ever listen to while unpacking all the stuff you left a your ex-fiance’s house - especially while you’ve fallen for another guy who seems to fucking care less about you.
What should come on but Ani DiFranco’s Dialate and I just froze up and had a horrible few hours just agonizing over the last stanza:
when i say you sucked my brain out
the english translation
is i am in love with you
and it is no fun
but i don’t use words like love
‘cuz words like that don’t matter
but don’t look so offended
you know, you should be flattered
and i wake up in the night
in some big hotel bed
and my hands grope for the light
and my hands grope for my head
the world is my oyster
the road is my home
and i know that i’m better
i’m better, i’m better
off alone
God. It’s exactly what I’d like to say to the Bulldog. I sobbed.
What an afternoon.
So. Then I really wanted a drink, but I sucked it up and smoked a cigarette instead. I guess it was better than doing both.
So eh. I’m wiped out. And even though the clock says 8:37, it’s really like 7:37, but I’m so fucking drained I may go to bed soon.
I rate today a 3. And that’s only because I got a little closet cleaning done.
I still love you,
GS
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