About a year has passed now. I remember the pain I felt in my chest for months when I lost Zoey, and at this point I thought I'd have something more poignant to say about forgetting her face or how it felt like it was all a dream.
I don't really have anything clever or romantic left, I think. My friends still ask about it from time to time, especially those I didn't want to bore or burden with the details, and they seem to all draw the same conclusion and make her the antagonist of the story. Maybe it's the way I tell the story, but in my eyes I've moved on and just state facts. There's no animosity when I recount what happened. Still never heard from her — it almost feels like she never existed.
I hope that, wherever she is, whatever she's doing, she's happy.
Wound up landing in Dallas to support one of my friends (Luis) as he proposed to his girlfriend. It was the first time in years we'd gotten most of the gang together, though we were missing Tim this time since fatherly duties understandably overruled this trip in necessity.
Both Luis and his now fiancée have encouraged me to come to Texas and work near them. It's nice to feel wanted and appreciated for a change.
Which is only half true, now that I look at it. I'm still far too cynical and go about my days doing the best I can, but believing it doesn't make an impression on people.
My school's graduation was last week, and I entered the ceremony and stayed at the back row of teachers as the graduates were leaving the building...and yet, so many of them sought me out. Even ones who gave me a hard time every day were now crying into my arms. More stopped me to take photos outside of the ceremony hall, and two of my junior students flagged me down and made me promise to come to their graduation next year too. I found myself giving life advice to one of the graduates, who'd I'd never admit was always one of my favorites, as she talked about going into the army after a few years of college. I did my best to dissuade her, but in the process caught myself saying, "I know, I'm not your dad, but if I was...I just want to see you be safe."
It's funny, in a way. I haven't been lucky enough to have my own kids, but through work, it feels like I'm a dad to hundreds. Maybe I am making a difference, even as my country tries to further gut the educational system.
I'm starting to think lately that I might never be able to date again, and so I'll never have children. Life doesn't tend to go to plan, I guess, but as long as I'm in education I'll be looking out for the next generation in my own way.
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