NOTES: yall, I'm sorry about another "love" text. I felt like this had to be said, even if you don't know me personally.
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I'm not afraid of being lonely. That's all I've ever known. It's quite sad to admit it.
I'm not like my sister. I don't have a ton of exes, long-term relationships, or a marriage... I didn't even get to introduce any of my flings at a family reunion (because that's when shit gets serious). I didn't get to walk around school holding hands. I didn't get presents on Valentine's Day. I didn't get to wear matching costumes on Halloween. I didn't get red roses on a date. I didn't get the side-eye looks, the comments people make when your lover isn't around, the family expectations, or the interrogation to make them realize you're not someone to mess around with.
Ever since I was a teenager, I've been built to be alone and be okay with it. I learned all the skills. I know how to deal with my emotions. Every now and then, when the world gets a little too cruel to me, I taught myself how to look at the raw, ugly feeling, recognize it, label it, and put it in a jar inside a drawer, where I can come back to it whenever I need to.
I'm not afraid of being lonely. I just want to share a life with someone.
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