I was shown this site by a friend who wanted me to seek out help from someone who has struggled with something that I struggle with currently. I’m not a very open person I keep to myself because I feel safe. every time I open up to a family memeber, they always get that look on their face like they are scared of me. but I guess here is a little bit of my story.
I was 11 when I discovered what self harm was (I am now 16) I was listening to a song and as it goes one of the singers says “see the pattern of my cuts.” when I was watching the video it showed a picture of a young girl with these marks all over her arm. Now me being an 11 year old girl, I kinda thought it was scary. I never realized that, that was going to be me.
the first time I self harmed was way after that song. I didn’t do it because of the song. to be honest I did it because I thought it would help me. (now that I look back I really wish that I never picked up a razor. it’s hasn’t helped. well, it’s helped destroy me) I was in so much pain from my family and friends. and I couldn’t stop them from hurting me, but if I cut too deep I could stop. cutting was the only pain I could control. it still is.
I hide it all the time. I live in fear that someone will see it and call me a freak.
half the time people say, people do it for attention which is bullshit. self harm for some reason now is such a popular thing and that sickens me.
I have to sit here and watch people act like they struggle with a problem and get attention, while I am walking down my path of self destruction, and people are letting me go.
I don’t even know where I am going with this entry. I guess I needed to let this out, I don’t know.
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