Standing firm, and watching the drama from a distance in Juggling with Hedgehogs

I have had the most amazing weekend with Paul. He’s solid as a rock, totally with me about all this nonsense with my kids, and just completely calm about everything. He manages to support me without judging me or slagging them off - which is quite a balancing act.

There have been Facebook status updates of course - one from her saying something like ‘never forget who was there for you when no-one else was’ - and the added comment ‘and a thanks wouldn’t go amiss’. I had to roll my eyes at that one, because that applies way more to me than to her! Yes, she was there for me when I needed her, but then as soon as she thought I was out of the woods, she went straight back to living her life, bending my ear at every opportunity about the way her boyfriend’s family had no respect for her etc etc, and lying to me about my ex (probably because she couldn’t be bothered to deal with what might happen if she did tell me the truth!).

There are other statuses from her friends with supportive comments on them and so forth, so clearly she’s been talking to all and sundry about how her bitch of a mother has thrown her away with no good reason that she can see. Oh well, there there, diddums.

I’ve changed my front door lock so my son can’t come walking in whenever it suits him, helping himself to the contents of my fridge and any money he can manage to pry out of me. The only thing I haven’t managed to do is cancel his mobile phone. I pay for it. It’s in my name, but the only way I can see to stop it is to claim it’s been lost and get a new phone sent to me so I can use it as a spare. I might do that, but it seems vindictive. All the same, he runs up massive bills on it, and for fuck’s sake he’s almost 29, he should be paying his own bloody phone bill!

You see? I do believe I have been a bad mother by being a too good one. I’ve been too kind to them, too giving, too willing to basically sacrifice everything for them. And they’ve become spoiled and selfish and ungrateful as a result. They’re probably wondering what the hell is going on now because their safety net has completely disappeared overnight.

Anyway, in between being practically loved to death by Paul this weekend, I’ve been having a bit of clearout at home. Throwing away my daughter’s old cosmetics that are still cluttering up the bathroom. Throwing away a lot of my own old stuff too, and making my bedroom look and smell gorgeous. I have a lot still to do, but let’s face it, now I’m not chasing about after my kids, I have plenty of time…