Compliments Saturday, February 11, 2006
I met a guy named Chris a couple of weeks ago. Met him from a dating service. We dated a couple of time. I broke it off because I didn't feel a spark between us. I kept comparing him to C. Remember him? Yeah, I still think about him a lot.
I sent all of C's stuff back. A book, his apartment keys, a cd I bought him, and a letter. The letter of course told him that I thought he was great blah blah blah, but it just isn't going to work because he's too busy and I need someone that can be there for me. I told him that he made me feel well, to be blunt, like a whore. I thought this because I would go over there during the week and we both had to work the next day so we didn't have time to spend "quality time." It's hard to explain because I haven't been writing in here so it's incredibly behind. Anyway... I sent him the package... he went back to Eygpt and upon his arrive back to the states he got that package. To my amazement he called me immeditately after he opened it.
He apologized for making me feel "like that." He told me that he found me beautiful, and the smartest woman he has met in 2 years. He totally flattered me then he said, "let's just try being friends." Then he said, "keep in touch." Then the words that were so final. "Goodbye, i vetem." It broke my heart. It felt so final. It's what I wanted right? Why the heck should I care? That's what I was aiming for.
February 14th. Valentines day for everyone. First day of therapy for me. Yeah, I finally did it. I have got to figure out what is going wrong in my life. I think I figured out part of it today. I have a belief that men don't have feelings. Not all men of course, just the men that fall for me. I can't accept or believe that they really feel anything for me. It's stupid. I so childish of me to think. That's where therapy comes in. I am hoping that therapy can get me out of this funk. I am sad. I am angry. I am bitter. I am jealous. I have become ugly inside. I hope that therapy can made me better.
Side note: I finished my math book. I take my college math assessment Monday, I hope. If i have time on my break. Wish me luck. I feel confident. I have been told by C and the UPS guy that I am smart. I have a hard time believing it sometimes. They both said it just all of a sudden out of no where.
"You are too smart to be working here." (UPS guy) "You are the smartest girl I have met in two years." (C) "You are the prettiest and the nicest girl here." (Terminix guy)
I typed those so I don't forget them. Those are nice compliments. Feels good to hear.
Her
Leave a Note
Good luck. And not just with the math test.
<3 [JKD Student]
2/12/2006 2:54:26 AM
Glad to hear from you. It's been a long time! Good Luck on Monday and Good Luck with the therapy. I hope you start to feel better inside.
Sorry if I sound stupid. I sometimes feel the same way.
hugs [One Crazy Mom] [p]
2/12/2006 2:55:13 AM
[Love, Jessers] [p] 2/12/2006 3:46:53 AM
you have to believe in yourself before others will believe in you. if you know and believe you are smart, beautiful, etc others will see it also. if you hide in a shell people cant see you for who you are. those who dont choose to see when you display it are not worthy of you anyways. [muted exposure] 2/12/2006 9:30:44 AM
RYN: Hmmm I would consider the race car driving option before I totaled my car a year and half ago... now not so much. Thanks for the idea though. I should really work on coming up w/a real solution I graduate in 11 weeks... yikes!
Good luck on everything :) [Serenity17]
2/13/2006 7:42:43 PM
Good luck with your test and therapy... [lostonthesea]
Loading comments...