Figuring Out What Everyone Else Already Knows in New Beginnings
- Jan. 18, 2015, 5:19 p.m.
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- Public
I wanted to write about the following a couple of weeks ago, but year-end close kind of consumed my life as it usually does. Now that the books are closed for another year, I suppose I can get to it. When my Dad and I were eating Christmas dinner with my uncle, aunt, & cousins, the subject of my brother came up. Someone asked if he was still dating his current girlfriend, which he is, and my dad mentioned that he was trying to get my brother to marry her. More so, he said something along the lines of, “Rob’s not going to get married, so he [my brother] needs to see about producing an heir.”
It was equal parts amusing and disturbing. I’m familiar with the common joke about singles dreading spending the holidays with family because someone always asks if their closer to getting married or some similar question. I never experienced that. The most similar experience I can recall was when I had just started college. I was attending a 2 year school close to those particular relatives, and my aunt kept trying to tempt me to attend her church with the assurance that “there are a lot of pretty, single girls there.” I would usually politely decline, although I think I once jested, “now I’m definitely not going to come.” Actually, I think my aunt quit inviting me after that remark.
For the record, I assure you I like pretty girls, but I had just started college and I wanted to focus on my education. Perhaps I’m being hard on myself, but I didn’t consider myself datable because I felt I needed more to offer. I wanted to be gainfully employed, own my home, and be 100% self-sufficient. I realize the lack of such things doesn’t stop people from dating during college, or high school. It seems like college and high school students date based on the promise a potential mate holds for becoming successful. Well, that statement is probably more apt to college students. Most high school students pick dates based on a balance of “how hot are you” and “will you make-out with me?” Anyways, all I had was the promise of those things. Granted I had more promise than many of my peers. I made good grades, I worked hard, I didn’t have any vices, but I didn’t want to disappoint a girlfriend by somehow breaking that promise. Tragedies happen, and some people with extraordinary potential suffer serious setbacks they aren’t able to recover from. Not only that, I thought that having a girlfriend would more likely distract me from becoming a success, so I put it off.
Really, I figured graduate school would be where I’d find my future wife, so I waited until I was about to get my bachelor’s degree to start looking. Once I had my degrees, I figured nothing would be able to stop me from becoming the man who’d be a suitable partner. Of course, life never pans out the way one plans. Even with everything I had to point to that society says should make a guy eligible, attracting a woman is hard. Pauli, Anya, Stef; all the girls I liked weren’t interested in me. Now that I reflect upon them, I realize they each found their other halves once I started liking them or shortly thereafter. Combine that phenomena with my unemployment, and I eventually gave up. Well I didn’t give up, but during that recession, dating was about even less of an option than it was when I was in high school. I had to climb back up to having a job and being self-sufficient. Once I got out of that hole, I was exhausted. The last thing I wanted to do was exhaust myself further by running that gauntlet of trying to attract a woman, again. I decided to rest a bit, focus on me. Now, I’ve gotten so comfortable at rest that I don’t want to get moving again. I’d rather just be happy where I am than think I’ll be happy in some other situation (i.e., marriage) and tire myself trying to achieve that. Still, based upon my dad’s comments, I guess everyone else has given up on me. Maybe they’re right to do so.
Star Maiden ⋅ January 19, 2015