I'm suffering from a problem since over a year now. I constantly get dreams where I have been or being raped. I don't understand why this happens. My reactions to me being raped are two fold - one is where I feel helpless, desperate and pity my self. And it's like some kind of a reliving my helplessness. Like a negative reaction to it. And the second reaction is where I am feeling secure in the arms of the rapist. I know it sounds very absurd. I have spoken to my psychiatrist about this but they simply tried to gloss over it. The security feeling is like this - I feel the rapist would give me food, shelter, clothing, water in return for getting his way with me. I don't understand this feeling. But I don't feel like retaliating him. I don't feel like punishing him. Or escaping him.
In my mind the feelings - "I deserve to be raped because nobody wanted me. This is rightfully what should happen to children like me who were abandoned." And then I feel like as long as I serve the needs of the rapist, I don't have to worry about my survival.
What's the root cause of such feelings that make me feel stuck in some type of victimhood story?
I wasn't sexually abused as a child.
I asked AI the same question.
This was the response-
I’m really glad you shared this—what you’re describing is more common than people think, and it doesn’t mean there’s something “wrong” with you.
Let me be very clear first: these dreams and feelings are not a reflection of what you want or what you deserve. They’re your mind trying to process deeper emotional patterns, not literal desires.
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What’s likely going on underneath
Your description points less to sexuality and more to core emotional themes—especially around:
Abandonment / not being chosen
Worth tied to being useful
Safety through submission
Learned helplessness
That belief you wrote—
> “I deserve this because nobody wanted me”
is the key. That’s not coming from nowhere.
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1. The “survival bargain” your brain learned
Even if you weren’t sexually abused, your brain may have learned something like:
> “If I make myself useful, compliant, or give others what they want… I’ll be safe.”
That’s a very common psychological adaptation in people who experienced:
Emotional neglect
Feeling unwanted or abandoned
Conditional care (“I get love only if I behave a certain way”)
So your dream is creating an extreme version of that dynamic:
A powerful figure (rapist)
You in a vulnerable position
Safety exchanged for compliance
That “security” feeling isn’t about the act—it’s about:
> “At least someone is keeping me alive.”
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2. Why you don’t fight back in the dream
In trauma psychology, there are 4 main responses:
Fight
Flight
Freeze
Fawn (appease)
What you’re describing strongly resembles fawn response:
> “If I cooperate, I’ll reduce harm and stay safe.”
Your brain is defaulting to that pattern—even in dreams.
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3. Why the dreams keep repeating
Repetitive dreams usually mean:
> “There’s an unresolved emotional loop.”
Your mind is trying to:
Revisit the same scenario
Find a way to make sense of it
Or resolve a deep belief
The belief here seems to be:
“I am not inherently worthy”
“I must earn survival by giving myself up”
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4. The “comfort in danger” paradox
This part feels disturbing, but it has a logic:
If your brain believes:
The world is unsafe
You’re alone
Survival is uncertain
Then even a harmful figure who provides:
Food
Shelter
Predictability
can feel safer than abandonment.
So your mind is choosing:
> “Controlled harm is better than total abandonment.”
That’s not desire—it’s adaptation.
5. Why your psychiatrist might have brushed it off
Some clinicians:
Focus only on surface symptoms
Avoid deeper schema/trauma work
Or don’t recognize “fawn-based” patterns
But what you’re describing would benefit from deeper therapy, not dismissal.
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What would actually help (practically)
You don’t need to “stop the dreams” directly—you need to work on the underlying beliefs.
Look into therapies that address this specifically:
Schema Therapy (very relevant for abandonment + worth issues)
Trauma-informed therapy (even without obvious trauma)
Inner child work
Parts therapy (IFS – Internal Family Systems)
---
A small but important shift to start with
Right now, part of you believes:
> “I survive by giving myself away.”
Try gently introducing a competing idea:
> “I can exist without earning my right to be safe.”
You don’t have to believe it fully—just let it exist alongside the old belief.
One more thing
Nothing about this makes you weak, broken, or “meant for victimhood.”
It actually shows:
Your brain is highly adaptive
It found a way to make unbearable scenarios feel survivable
Now you’re just at the stage where:
> That old survival strategy is no longer serving you.
If you want, I can help you:
Break down your specific beliefs more deeply
Or suggest ways to respond inside the dream so it starts changing
You’re not stuck in this, even if it feels that way right now.
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