Morning Shot / Shackleton's Endurance (old entry) in Alison's University Montages

What's happening? I woke up bloody and crying. After I showered, I didn't want to deal with that awful feeling all day, so I took a shot of vodka from the freezer. I took one gulp, tried to wash it away in vain with water, and finished the shot. In my brass shot glass from Morro Bay. Just typing it out is making me gag in the learning center. Still, a little nausea was all I traded to make today manageable. I called Sushi, while she was getting ready in the bathroom I told her about my morning. We went to Oakes cafe for coffee and "breakfast" at noon and had a nice talk. Turns out we both think of ourselves as failures. I showed her my new wallpaper, the smokestacks at Morro Bay, and I told her that one day I'd like to climb Morro Rock. If I dressed the same color as the rock, nobody would see me, til I got to the top that is. In my mind R's up there with me. I showed up to oceanography late, Griggs was talking about early ocean exploration, he mentioned Shackleton's Endurance voyage. I was obsessed with sailors last summer, especially the Endurance; part of why I chose to come here was the sailing courses. I looked into it today, it's far too late to get into the beginner dinghy class. I thought about inventing an emergency and begging the professors to let me off the waitlist but I thought better of it. I will sail next fall without fail. Perhaps by winter I'll be ready to join the competition team. Maybe next year when I'm more successful this horrible sickness I have will be gone. I feel like there's a split in my ribcage and my heart is ripping out of me one micrometer at a time.